


this world was built for two

by twentyonedani



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, Some angst but mainly fluff, Sooooooo much fluff, as in he cant think whenever he's around him, basically the soulmates au with a twist, isak has the biggest fucking crush on even, isak is also a closet hopeless romantic, like BIGGEST, lots of romantic/sexual tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 16:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18480412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentyonedani/pseuds/twentyonedani
Summary: A drop of water, a curved blue shape that was full of different shades, a white outline that highlighted the mark from his skin and everything else. He stared with a gaped mouth, blinking a few times, and he felt like he was staring into Even’s eyes. Those shades of blue, the way they blended with one another... did this mean...Isak rose his head to where Even had been standing, and he hadn’t really noticed anything, as he stood on his phone typing something. But now, his sleeves were risen, and Isak was drawn to a mark on Even’s arm. Even’s mark.It wasn’t the same as Isak’s.OR Soulmates AU where Isak so desperately wants Even to be his soulmate.





	1. i'm a fucking cliché

**Author's Note:**

> hei!! sooooo this is my first proper skam fanfic and i wanted to do a really popular au but i didn't want to follow the same cliche way that this au follows, i wanted to add a twist. please give me any feedback you may have as i would love to hear if any of you want this continued <3 
> 
> also dont worry, isak and even are soulmates in every universe but in this one they just have to fight for it a bit more ;) <3
> 
> elsker dere!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> word count: 6,144

Every person in every universe looked forward to turning 18 years old. In many different countries it was the age of independence, becoming an adult, being free from the lockdown of being a ‘horny emotional teenager’ that most teenagers were labelled with. In a way, it was true. Every teenager in Norway had house parties and drank until they couldn’t tell who’s lips were on theirs or the difference between ‘there’ and ‘they’re’. Every teenager in Norway hooked up with people every other weekend and proceeded to tell their friends the gruesome details, no matter if they wanted to hear them or not. Every teenager in Norway acted is if their biggest issues were hookups and relationship drama, when, realistically, they all had a Biology test the next day that they hadn’t studied for and would have to retake again and again and  _again_.  

However, there was one thing that the age eighteen was special for in particular.  

The soulmate mark.  

At eighteen, everyone would grow a specific mark on their body that resembled a tattoo, whether it was a word or a misshapen skull that teenagers would get without telling their parents because it looked ‘cool’. The mark could be anywhere on the body,  _which could lead to some embarrassing stories on how the mark was found,_ but commonly it appeared on the lower part of the wrist, ranging in size and colour for each individual person. But the most important part, was that there was someone out there in the universe, amongst billions and billions of others, that shared the same mark as you. That person was your soulmate.  

It led to some weird threads on Reddit where users would post a picture of their mark, hoping that if their soulmate was across on the other end of the globe, they could potentially, maybe have a slight chance of meeting them earlier than intended. But that’s not how Isak wanted to meet his soulmate. He didn’t want to go on a stupid desperate search for the one that he was supposed to love forever. No, poor little seventeen year old Isak was somewhat of a closeted romantic. He wouldn’t dare tell his friends how he wanted to meet his one and only and just  _know_ . Just know that they were the one. Just be able to look into their eyes and fall in love in that exact moment. He wouldn’t even have to look at their mark, because he would  _know_. God, he was such a fucking cliché. A cliché that put way too much belief in the universe. He relied on it in a stupid, homeless romantic type way. It was that part of him that he didn’t want to admit.  

Sure, he hooked up with girls on the weekends. Sure, he kissed their lips, and they were soft and tender, and he held their waists and pulled them closer. Sure, he got blowjobs in the bathrooms of parties from them. And okay, maybe he would tell his friends after, they would cheer him on and say ‘Issy the player!’ or something like that. He was too drunk to even make out the words sometimes.  _Sometimes._   

Sometimes he wasn’t as drunk though. Sometimes the alcohol just slipped through his blood and passed all the way through without affecting him in the slightest. Sometimes he wouldn’t enjoy kissing girls as much. Sometimes he couldn’t get it up. He would storm out, unable to even think as the blaring music pounded into his eardrums, and just make the excuse of ‘Her mouth felt weird’ or ‘I was too tired'.  

 _“The fuck, I_ _sak_ _? Are you gay or what?”_  

Isak never responded. Shrugged it off.  _I just don’t like kissing girls sometimes._  

He may have been a cliché when it came to romance, but he wasn’t a dumb, cliché closeted gay guy that convinced himself he was straight.  _Maybe in another universe._   

Isak knew he had an attraction to guys. Isak knew that he had watched gay porn and enjoyed it. Isak knew that he was questioning himself, sometimes pretending that a guy was sucking him off in the bathroom instead of a girl so he was able to keep it up. But Isak knew for sure, when he got a crush on his best friend.  

He tried to tell Jonas, tried to come clean about the reason he felt so distant. The reason that every time Eva came over during their weekly FIFA session, Isak would watch as the one boy he truly loved was sharing his heart with someone else, and he would stare at them with a frown. He even ignored Jonas for the rest of the day. He got used to it though. He got used to being in love with someone that would never choose him.  

But one day, Eva and Jonas had a huge fight. Jonas came to him that night, and they sat on Isak’s bed sharing a joint. That’s when he tried.  

 _“I can’t believe I’m eighteen next year.”_  

 _“_ _Yeah, bro. Where’s the time gone? It feels like just yesterday you came crying to me about_ _trying to lose your virginity at that first year party.”_  

 _“Fucking hell, Jonas._ _What part of ‘we won’t talk about this again’ do you not understand?”_  

 _They laughed. I_ _sak's_ _heart felt heavy in his chest._  

 _“I’m just worried about my mark.”_  

 _Jonas pulled the drag of the joint from his lips.“_ _What’s there to worry about? Someone out there is willing to put up with your stupid ass.”_  

 _He was joking,of course. But man,_ _Isak_ _couldn’t even stifle a fake laugh like he usually did. He just sat, and stared. He stared until Jonas realised that this conversation was a serious one._  

 _“Oh, shit man._ _Sorry.”_  

 _“Don’t be.”_  

 _“Seriously though, why are you worried? Isn’t it something to be happy about?”_  

 _Isak_ _thought._  

 _Yes, but I’m afraid of who my soulmate is. Yes, but I’m afraid of seeing someone else with my mark, and looking up to realise it’s a girl. A girl that I cant just love on specific days when I’ve had too much to drink. A girl that I would spend the rest of my fake life with. God. Why do I have to be fake to you? Why am I so fake? I just want to tell you everything. You’re my best friend._  

 _“I... just hope the person can tolerate me. I feel like I’ll fuck it up by just saying ‘Hi' the wrong way, and that’s it, game over.”_  

 _Why are you still lying?_  

 _“_ _Isak_ _, this isn’t some stupid school act that people take part in. This is life. This is fate." Fate. The word sounded so simple on Jonas’ tongue. “The universe can’t get this wrong, right?_ _So._ _.. whoever is your soulma_ _te_ , is your soulmate. And she will love you no matter what.”  

She.  

Isak smiled. “Yeah.”  

Silence. 

“Tell anyone how sappy I sounded just then and you are dead, Isak Valtersen.” 

“No promises.” 

Isak didn’t tell Jonas that night. He didn’t tell Jonas any night. He continued lying to his face, and his crush on him slowly slipped away - along with his will to tell any of his friends about his sexuality. 

 **FREDAG – 8:26**  

 

> **Jonas Noah Vasquez changed the group name to ‘GRATULERER MED DAGEN ISAK’**  
> 
> **(8:26) Jonas:** happy bday isak!!! 
> 
> **(8:26) Jonas:** my boy 
> 
> **(8:29) Magnus:** our boy is growing up so fast! 
> 
> **(8:30) Jonas:** :’) 
> 
> **(8:37) Mahdi:** happy birthday issy 
> 
> **(8:37) Magnus:** lazy ass is probably still asleep 
> 
> **(8:40):** thanks guys 
> 
> **(8:40):** fuck my head kills 
> 
> **(8:40) Mahdi:** bro we have a bio test, u have to come in 
> 
> **(8:40) Jonas:** u gonna be ok? 
> 
> **(8:41) Magnus:** bio test on ur birthday, must suck huh 
> 
> **(8:42):** not even a horny first year would have sex with you last night, must suck huh 
> 
> **(8:42) Jonas:** ouch 
> 
> **(8:42) Mahdi:** LMAO 
> 
> **(8:42):** and yes im coming in 
> 
> **(8:42) Magnus:**  … 
> 
> **(8:42) Magnus:**  fuck this ‘can’t insult the birthday boy’ rule  
> 
> **(8:42):** ;) 

 

Dropping the phone onto his mattress, Isak let out a long groan of agony as he realised how little time he had before he had to get to school. Ever since he moved into this shared apartment after a drunken, sad night spent at a gay bar, it took him around 15 more minutes to get to Nissen. It was a bit of a pain, considering how much Isak  _loved_  lying in. But he was grateful. If Eskild didn‘t go to that gay bar that night, Isak would probably be homeless right now. He was grateful, even though he didn’t show it that much. He didn’t clean his room a lot of the time, and he would push Eskild away when he came in to ask for his opinion on guys, to which Isak would defensively reject showing any signs of finding guys attractive. And he never paid his rent on time, either... 

He would.  _Eventually._  

Isak’s head was pounding from all the liquor he has drained into his blood from the night before, and he questioned why he even bothered attending a party on a Thursday night. His arm covering his eyes to shield himself from any daylight that soaked through his curtain, he took a few moments before forcing himself to his feet. He had missed too many classes already, and he would be in shit if he missed that biology test.  

So much for a happy eighteenth birthday.  

 

 **9:06**  

“Halla.” Isak spoke up as he approached his group of friends, dressed in his usual ‘Don’t talk to me’ attire, his hood up over his head with a red beanie covering the top of his forehead, soft curls of blond hair sticking out in various directions.  

“There he is, Mr Birthday Boy.” Mahdi grinned in his direction, locking his hand with Isak and pulling him into a ‘bro hug', bumping their shoulders together.  

“You actually made it in.” Magnus commented, blond strands of hair falling into his eyes.  

“Why would I not have made it in?”  

“You were pretty fucked last night.” Magnus was always the one to point out how drunk everyone else was around him during parties. A roll of his eyes, Isak shivered from the cold air surrounding them.  

“And you’ve missed like 6 classes in 2 weeks.” Jonas spoke up this time.  

“Yeah, but I’m the best student here, for real.”  

“Oh yeah, that’s true, Isak. Also, the sky isn’t blue, it’s red. And unicorns exist. And Magnus is a sex god.”  

“Cheap shot.”  

The boys laughed together, and Isak's day was starting to look up. The piercing headache began to fade, and discussion of Isak's birthday party began.  

“Pre-game 6 at yours, right Isak?”  

“Ja. You can bring anyone you want to. It’s kind of an open party thing. As long as it doesn’t get too crowded, Linn probably wouldn’t like that.”  

“Is that the ginger girl that lives with you?” Jonas asked. Isak nodded with a squint of his eyes as the sun shone through the clouds right into his eyes. “Honestly Isak, what does she like? She seems so dull.”  

“She’s depressed.” Isak spoke with a shrug of his shoulders, kicking at the floor with lack of remorse in his voice. “You know what those type of people are like. All of them are dull.”  

“She has depression?” Magnus spoke up that time. Isak just nodded. “That’s kinda different to just being dull.”  

“Not really. She never wants to do anything or go out. She sits in her room most of the time and doesn’t like parties. She’s not that great to be around, so just ignore her at the party, I guess.”  

“Isak, that’s fucked up.”  

“Huh? What is?”  

“Being depressed is a serious thing. It’s not like she’s going out of her way to feel that way.” Jonas explained, his eyebrows furrowed, his tone of voice taking on the one that he used when they were debating something. Isak was a bit taken back, but all he knew is that he wanted to drop the subject. It was a touchy subject that he hadn’t even dared think about since he moved out from his mom’s.  

“Alright, whatever. Let’s drop it.” Isak muttered, adjusting the beanie on the top of his head, letting a few more curls of his blonde hair fling into the open. The boys went silent for a moment, and Isak felt the tension in the air beginning to suffocate him. Sometimes, he felt like it was better to keep his mouth shut most of the time. He felt lectured half the time he even tried to open it. Whether it was about homosexuality with Eskild, or some sort of disorder when talking to his parents or friends. Isak never really bothered to learn most things about mental illness. He never had the courage to search it up after his mother went crazy on him, and his father left. Now, everyday, he would receive paragraph after paragraph of verses from the Bible, which he skim read, and then closed. He never truly understood what had happened to his mother, but he had concluded that she was crazy, and left it there, never bothering to try to contact her for months now. 

 After feeling bad for the first few weeks, he tried to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.  

 _She’s gone psycho._  

 _Any sane person would get the hell out of there._  

 _I’m just doing what’s best for myself._  

 _What if me being there makes her even crazier?_  

 _What if she is crazy because of me?_  

It seemed easier to ignore all her biblical pleas then. 

 **15:36**  

“Are you nervous about your mark?”  

Eva was the first to bring up his mark on the day of his actual birthday, it seemed to be put into the back of everyone else’s head. But for Isak, he was terrified, but glad that Eva showed interest.  

“Yeah. Fucking terrified actually.” Isak admitted, chuckling a little as he slowed his pace down the street past the school. “I just hope that I haven’t met them yet. I want to have that first time meeting experience, you know.”  

“Or the universe will decide, ‘Nah, let’s make Isak’s soulmate Chris. She seems to like him a lot’.”  

“I think Chris' soulmate is that fucking spoon she sucks on when she stares at me.”  

Eva laughed at that, causing Isak to grin in her direction. He loved Eva's laugh, and making her laugh was even better.  

“Ah, a better love story than Twilight. Chris and The Spoon. Their epic love story will take Norway by storm, as they fight against the universe to be together. Romeo + Juliet style.”  

“Romeo + Juliet? For real?”  

“What’s wrong with that?”  

“Well, it’s just a cheese love story, is all.”  

“The ending isn’t that cheesy.”  

“Is it not?”  

Eva gave him a blank stare. “Have you even seen it, Isak?” They spoke as they approached the tram stop for Isak, just as Isak’s tram arrived.  

“Gotta go!”  

 **17** **:45**  

 

> **GRATULERER MED DAGEN ISAK**  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:45** **)** **Magnus:** isak  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:45** **)** **Magnus:** how much beer have u got over there 
> 
> **(1** **7** **:45)  Mahdi:** we are at the store now, let us know  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:48** **)** **:** 2 packs of 6, buy more pls 
> 
> **(** **1** **7** **:** **48** **):** eskild forgot to get some on his way home 
> 
> **(1** **7:** **50)** **Jonas:** uh guys have u heard? 
> 
> **(1** **7** **:50)** **Magnus:**?? heard what?  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:50)** **Jonas:** word about the party tonight spread like crazy  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:50)** **Jonas:** apparently it even spread to UiO  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:50)** **Mahdi:** fr??? 
> 
> **(1** **7** **:5** **1)  Magnus:** holy fuck I can hook up with a uni chick!!!  
> 
> **(17** **:5** **1** **)** **Jonas:** in ur dreams bro  
> 
> **(17:5** **2** **)** **:** magnus, so innocent  
> 
> **(1** **7** **:52):** uni girls DEFINITELY wanna hook up with a second year virgin  
> 
> **(1** **7:** **5** **3** **)** **Magnus:** really??? 
> 
> **(1** **7** **:53):** mags, let me introduce you to the wonderful world of SARCASM 
> 
> **(1** **7** **:53) Magnus:** fuck off, ur the gay one  

Isak immediately exited the chat after that, letting out a shaky breath as he stood in the kitchen where Eskild was beginning to set up the party, pining banners to the wall and placing balloons around the different rooms, excluding the bedrooms. As Isak scrolled through his many other birthday messages from all his friends at school, he felt his phone vibrate to indicate another message coming through. Scrolling to the top, he saw the contact at the top of his messages.  **Mamma.** Isak hesitated with his finger hovering over the top of his screen to view the message. 

 

> **(17:58) Mamma**
> 
> Happy Birthday to my dear son. I prayed that you would not grow up so fast, but sadly I cannot make that come true. You will always be my baby boy. I love and miss you with all my heart. Hugs from your mother.  

Reading the message pulled at his heart, as if the message directly reached into his heart and tugged at it as roughly as possible until he physically felt unable to breathe. He wanted so badly to reply, he knew he should. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he missed her late night hugs and bedtime stories to help him fall asleep. He missed her nagging to bring him to Church every Sunday. He missed her lavender scent when he hugged her in the morning, the smell of eggs that she would feed him before school.  

But his father’s words rang in his hears every time.  

 _She’s beyond crazy,_ _Isak_ _!_  

 _Get out while you still can, son._  

 _She will hurt you,_ _Isak_ _. Please...just leave._  

Isak’s teeth tightened as he pushed his phone into his jean pocket, without responding to his mother. 

 

 **20** **:** **15**  

The party was in full swing, and most of the guests that had been listed down has arrived, and greeted Isak with presents and hugs. Eskild seemed more into Isak’s birthday than Isak himself, greeting people at the door and welcoming them into ‘Isak's Birthday Funhouse' he liked to call it, taking the presents and stacking them on the table near the door. Isak had dressed himself in his favourite button up blue shirt, with black jeans and black and white sneakers. Ever go often, the boy would anxiously look down at his wrists to check for his mark, nervously picking at the skin there that could soon be taken over by a mark that he would be looking out for for the rest of his single life. The more he caved his mind into thinking about it, the more anxious he got. So he decided to chill out with his friends and listen to them debate the best movie franchises.  _Better than nothing._   

Isak tried to join in the conversation, but he had spaced out so easily  whilst thinking of his mark. He had been talking about it for  _so long_ , and within the next 4 hours, it would be there.  _Right there. On his skin. Deciding his one true love forever._  

 _Fuck, I’m not ready. What if it’s a girl at this party and I can’t even bring myself to look their way because they just don’t do it for me? What if it’s a guy and_ _I hav_ _e_ _to unwillingly come out to_ _my_ _friends?_ _I’m_ _not ready._ _I’ve_ _never been ready._ _I_ _-_  

“Welcome!”  

Eskild’s loud yell cut through Isak's thoughts like a knife, and even the boys around him had stopped talking, eyes glued to the door. “Shit, it’s true.”  

“What is?” Isak was beyond confused after just coming out of his mind spiralling breakdown in his head.  

“The UiO students. It’s them.” Jonas gestured towards the front door, seeing a clear view down the hallway towards the front door. Isak moved his gaze to the door, noticing a group of boys and a few girls entering. They looked significantly older and way more sophisticated than the rest of them, considering there were a few first years among them. They were all tall, wearing black and grey, chatting towards Eskild and Noora who were greeting guests at the door and seemingly giving introductions. Isak was about to get up and go get more beer for himself so he could avoid mentally breaking down, until the door opened again and another boy entered.  

Isak was stunned. He couldn’t physically move his body, eyes glued to the tall, blonde angel who had walked through his front door. He didn’t know if he was a model, but suddenly he felt like he was watching a modelling show on NRK. Continuing his prolonged stare, Isak began to look him up and down.  

He wore a plain white shirt that fell over the dips of his body with a denim jacket over the top, hugging to his sides. His jeans were a dark grey, long and stretched over his long legs that were spread apart as the boy leaned into one of his hips whilst talking to the rest. It seemed like he had been staring at him forever, a whole eternity passing them as his eyes just tried to fully capture his beauty. 

Suddenly, anything in his mind that he was previously worrying about didn’t seem so bad anymore. It felt as though the very  _existence_ that stood across the hallway from him solved all of the problems he had ever encountered in his life, and Isak didn’t even know the boy’s name. His mind - and soul - was completely captured. 

He was even unaware of his friends chatting around him. 

“Do you think they went to Nissan?”  

“Maybe. I don’t recognise them though.”  

“Okay, I can reinvent myself then. I’m the cool, laid back guy that  _isn’t_ a virgin.”  

“Are you pretending to be Jonas?”  

“Fuck off, you guys! I need to get fucking laid!”  

Isak let out a distant chuckle, brushing the banter off between his friends. And time physically slowed around him when the blonde boy met Isak’s eyes. 

He froze, as if everything around him faded to black. He could hear his own heartbeat rise into his throat, _for fuck’s sake._  

Gathering himself, he found the strength deep within him to tear his gaze away, aiming his eyes towards his feet. 

“What should I do, should I go up there?” Magnus continued to whine on. 

“Are you fucking nuts, bro?” 

“Is that a no?” 

“ _No!_ ” 

“So, I should go up there?” 

“I’m so fucking done with you, man.” 

“Isak, help me out.” 

Isak probably would’ve responded with something sarcastic if he was listening. But he wasn’t. Thanks to the blonde at the front door, he had lost the ability to hear anything around him. 

 _Maybe I can steal one more look... and that’s it._  

The boy rose his eyes down the hallway once more, but he was met with all the eyes of the group. Eskild had been calling his name, and gestured excitedly for him to come over, Isak took 2 seconds before raising to his feet and making his way over to the door.  

“Here he is, our birthday boy!” Eskild threw an arm around Isak's shoulder as he approached, pulling him into a hug for a second before letting him go and facing him towards the group who stared intimidatingly at him. Isak felt so small compared to them, but that didn’t stop Eskild. “Isak, this is Elias, Adam, Mikael, Mutta, Yousef and Even.”  

Isak’s heart fluttered.  _Even._ _That’s his name._  

“Uh... hei. I’m Isak.” 

“They want to join this wonderful party to celebrate your coming of age, baby.” Eskild grinned at him, making Isak cringe at the word ‘baby’.  

“Uh.” Isak has lost any words that attempted to leave his mouth.  _They probably think I’m high._  

 _Maybe I am high._  

 _High on_ ** _him_** _._  

“...Yeah, they can join.” Isak felt strange giving his approval for anything since it was rare for him to be in charge. Which he understood. He wasn’t exactly leadership material.  

“Yay!” Eskild grinned and kissed the side of Isak's face, stumbling past him and heading back into the kitchen. Isak stood awkwardly, trying not to move his gaze back up towards Even.  

 _He failed miserably_.  

As his gaze reached him, he felt his heart skip a million beats at once when he met his eyes, that had already been staring at him already. Even’s eyes were full of vibrant shades of blue, and his heart melted. He was way too fucking beautiful. The way his jaw curved into his neck, the way those little blonde strands curled into his forehead, the way his blue eyes sparkled in reaction to the light above them, the way his full, plump lips curled into a smile.  

 _Holy fuck_.  

Isak immediately smiled back, feeling his body heat up to insane levels that he had only felt when he got fevers.  

 _Say something, then, idiot!_  

 _‘Hei, nice to meet you. Sorry for eye fucking you just then.’ Nope._  

 _‘Sorry for staring at you, you look just like someone I know!’ Lame excuse._  

 _‘Hei, thanks for confirming the fact that I really wanna fuck guys.’ NO._  

Before being able to come up with anything, he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

It was Jonas.  

“Hey bro, we’re gonna have a smoke outside. Wanna join?” Isak composed himself and nodded encouragingly, earning a smile from Jonas. Not being able to bring himself to turn around to look at Even again, he headed through the hallway quickly alongside Jonas, towards the balcony where Magnus and Mahdi were already sat.  

It took Isak a good five minutes to stop his hands from shaking. Without the weed, it probably would’ve taken him longer.  

 **20:58**  

Once again, he had tuned out from hearing the boys talk about something stupid again that he really didn’t care about at the moment. He just sat and thought. His mind had been so caught up with that blonde boy that managed to turn Isak’s heart inside out that he had forgotten about everything else he was worrying about. How did one boy that he didn’t even know manage to do that to him? All the girls  _put together_ that Isak has been with didn’t manage to do that to him while they were on their knees in front of him. Just one look from Even and his whole body was malfunctioning.  

 _Fuck._  

He thought for a moment about his mark, and how he had been stressing about it since the day he turned seventeen and started counting down from  _one year._ And suddenly, he froze again. 

 _Is he the one?_  

Isak had mulled over how he wanted to just  _know_ when he had met his soulmate, he wanted to feel it deep inside him like some sappy, over the top romance movie. And when he thought back to how Even had made him feel just by looking at him... 

 _Is this for real?_  

He felt dumb for even thinking it, but his poor, hopeless gay heart  _yearned_ for the blonde boy with the irresistible blue eyes.  _Can’t you just talk to him, for fuck’s sake? All you did was eye fuck him for 20 seconds._  

So, he got up, and handed the joint to Jonas. 

“I need a piss.” 

And he was off.  

He did actually need a piss though, so he thought it would be easier to tend to that instead of approaching the scarier option first.  

After doing his business, he exited the bathroom and adjusted his hair, walking through the hallway and turning his attention to the new fish tank that Linn has recently bought. Isak thought it was weird at first, since she was usually in her room and she would never really bother to come out to see some random fish tank. But apparently, according to Eskild, it had actually helped her come out of her room more, as she has a reason to. To feed the fish, to just stare at them, or to even talk to them. Isak thought Eskild was kidding him, but he was being truthful. Were fish really that interesting anyway? He always thought they looked so...  _dull._  

Isak stopped beside the tank that was laid on one of the coffee tables, hidden in the hallway from the rest of the party goers. The faint music through the door allowed Isak to breathe a little, and as he bent down to view the fish closer, he felt a calmness run through him, as he watched the creatures swim through the water. Tilting his head to the side, he noticed how the orange of the fish stood out against the blue of the water. 

Maybe this was how Linn felt? Just watching them swim made Isak feel a little less pressured by the world. So he continued, until his eyes were met with another through the glass on the other side of the tank.  

Isak jumped up, raising his head at the same time as the person opposite him. “Shit!”  

“Fuck, sorry, did I scare you?” 

It was him. _Even._  

Isak noticed that his eyes matched with the blue shades of the tank, and he felt that shaking feeling start to come back to him from when he first laid eyes on him at the front door.  

“Uh, a little, yeah...” 

Even was smiling wide. “You seemed like you were in your own little world, I wanted to see if you would even notice me.”  

Isak’s mouth was gaping a little, and his eyes were wide as he tried to overcome the shock. He wanted to be pissed. He would’ve been pissed if anyone else had scared him like that, or had caught him staring at fishes for a few minutes. But this was him. So Isak couldn’t resist smiling back at him. “I’m not blind, Even.  _Obviously_ I would’ve seen you through there, the tank is pretty small.” 

“I’ve been here a while, are you sure you’re not even 50% blind?” 

“That’s a bit creepy.” 

“What is, that I knew you have terrible eyesight?” 

“No! That you’ve been stalking me.”  

Even raised his eyebrows with amusement, his smile turning into a grin. Isak’s smile grew wider too.  _Even his voice is perfect._ “Who said I was stalking you?” 

“You said you’ve been watching me for a while.” 

“ _No_ , I was stood here before you.” 

 _Oh._  

“Oh.” 

He felt like an idiot. 

“Damn, 30 seconds in and you are already accusing me of stalking you.” 

“Fuck off.” Isak replied playfully, laughing off the nervousness that he hoped Even didn’t hear. He turned away from him and shook his head, lowering his gaze. The slight redness in his cheeks rose quickly as a result to being so close to him. His voice, his smile, the way his presence alone made Isak choke up on all his words. Silence fell upon them for the first time since their conversation started, Isak’s eyes remaining on the ground. Luckily, Even began to speak again to fill the silence.  

“Well, your stalker wanted to wish you a happy birthday.” Even’s smile never left his lips, and Isak could feel his eyes burning into his skin.  _His eyes are like water and somehow, they still manage to burn me._ “He would’ve gotten you something, but he’s been short of time... since the first minute of speaking to you.” 

“Tell him I’ll let him off just this once.”  

“Noted.” Even nodded his head at Isak, winking and pulling the bottle of beer to his mouth, taking a long sip. 

Isak lowered his eyes to the floor for the thousandth time that tonight, licking his top lip that suddenly felt dry. This time, the silence lasted longer, and Even wasn’t making anymore snarky comments to fill the tension. Isak realised he would have to take the lead in the conversation, thinking of something to ask. Something appropriate, something he actually wanted to know. He wanted to know everything about him, his favorite colour, his favorite music, what side of the bed he slept on, what his dreams are, what he thinks about before sleeping...  _anything._  

“Uh...” Isak spoke up, clearing his throat before speaking, noticing the way Even looked up to listen. “...what, uh, what are you studying? You’re at UiO, right?” 

Even nodded. “Mhm. I’m studying Film.”  

“Film? Like directing, and stuff?” 

“Yeah. _And stuff_.” 

Isak tilted his head with a grin. “Go on then, what’s your favorite film?”  

“Tough one.” Even lowered his head, tapping one of his longer fingers on the beer bottle. “It’s between The Great Gatsby and Romeo + Juliet.” 

“Ah-” 

“Have you seen them?” 

 _Shit. What should he say? He didn’t want to disappoint him._  

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Have you?” 

“Yeah!” 

“You don’t sound too confident about that.” Even’s lips were twitching. He wanted to smile in amusement, and Isak could see it. His blood warmed up in embarrassment.  

“ _Fuck,_  I've seen it...” 

“Tell me what happens then.” 

 _Caught red-handed. Shit. Maybe I can play this out a bit more._  

Isak’s mind went back to when he and Eva were discussing Romeo + Juliet earlier in the day on the way home from school. “It’s uh, a love story.” 

“ _Damn_ , Isak. You got me. Romeo + Juliet is a love story? Who would’ve known?” 

“I’m not finished!” 

“Alright, alright.” Even laughed. 

“It’s... got a sad ending?” 

“Isak Valtersen’s final review on the cinematic masterpiece Romeo + Juliet is as follows: it’s a love story, and it has a sad ending.” Even repeated Isak’s words in a more dramatic voice, laughing afterwards. Isak continued to feel his blood boil.  _There’s no recovering from this,_ _Isak_ _. You’ve played yourself._  

“Alright, I haven’t seen the movie. But was I wrong?!”  

“Alright, alright, you were right. Credit to you for attempting to fool me.”  

The two boys laughed together, Isak now leaning against the wall beside Even, the two tucked away from the main party, as if they were in their own little world. And Even was just a foot away from being pressed up against Isak. He was close enough to feel his breathing, to see a trillion more shades of blue in his eyes, if he managed to stare for long enough without shying away.  

“Hard to believe that an eighteen-year-old has such a shit knowledge on films.”  

“Shit knowledge?! Hah?! I’ve watched tons of films!”  

“You’ve probably watched all the low budget films they show at schools. I remember seeing some when I went to Bakka.”  

“Bakka? Elvebakken?”  

“Yeah?”  

“Oh, I thought you would’ve gone to Nissan.” 

“Is that where you go?” 

“Mhm.” 

“I almost transferred in my final year.” 

“Final year? Why?” 

Even shrugged his shoulders, looking down and unwilling to meet Isak’s eyes at that. Was that too personal of a question? Isak had lost track of the questions he was even asking. He was so caught up with talking to Even, that he forgot they had only known each other for a few minutes. It felt like he had known Even his whole fucking life, like everything around him was utter bullshit except for him. He was like a glowing light. The golden-haired boy that smiled so brightly at him that his heart did a hundred flips every time.  

“What’s the time?” 

Isak pulled out his phone from his pocket, pressing the home button to answer Even when his screen opened.  

“21:20.”  

As Isak spoke, his eyes darted down to a sudden uncomfortable aching at the lower part of his arm, close to his elbow. Wincing due to the feeling, Isak reached with his other hand to hold onto his arm to steady himself. His eyebrows furrowing in confusion. What was this feeling? It wasn’t exactly pain, but it wasn’t the best feeling in the world either. It was like there was a force pressing against him, like an invisible weight was pressing back against his own muscle. Soon though, it became clear that his skin was changing, and a mix of black, blue and white began to form over his skin.  _His mark. His fucking_ _mark_ _. Now?! Really?!_  

But nothing could stop the universe. Soon enough, the uncomfortable force against his arm softened, and as the clock on his phone turned to 21:21, his mark was there. Right there, on his arm. It was so simple... 

A drop of water, a curved blue shape that was full of different shades, a white outline that highlighted the mark from his skin and everything else. He stared with a gaped mouth, blinking a few times, and he felt like he was staring into Even’s eyes. Those shades of blue, the way they blended with one another... did this mean... 

Isak rose his head to where Even had been standing, and he hadn’t really noticed anything, as he stood on his phone typing something. But now, his sleeves were risen, and Isak was drawn to a mark on Even’s arm. Even’s mark.  

It wasn’t the same as Isak’s.  


	2. boy from the fish tank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak stalks Even. Sana gives Isak advice. Even has many nicknames for Isak.
> 
> word count: 5,422

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hei!! thank u so much for your kudos and comments on the last chapter, i was pretty nervous about uploading it so thank u for the support so far!!
> 
> this chapter is kinda slow burn. I hope you can be patient as I have MANY ideas for this story but I want to build it up slowly.
> 
> enjoy!! <3 <3

**L** **Ø** **RDAG 1:05**  

 

> **GRATULERER MED DAGEN ISAK**  
> 
> **(1:05) Magnus:** fuck u jonas! 
> 
> **(1:06) Jonas:**?  
> 
> **(1:06) Magnus:** you were supposed to be my wingman  
> 
> **(1:06) Magnus:** u should've talked me up, said that I’m the funniest guy you know 
> 
> **(1:06) Magnus:** but you walked away!!! 
> 
> **(1:07) Jonas:** you’re a lost cause 
> 
> **(1:07) Magnus:** fuck this, where’s mahdi 
> 
> **(1:13) Magnus:** found him. He’s in the bathroom down the hall ACTUALLY GETTING SOME 
> 
> **(1:13) Jonas:** u should take notes 

**2:34**  

 

> **Jonas**
> 
> **(2:34):** hey man. didn't catch you on my way out, hope ur good. Text me if you need anything ok? <3 

**3:00**  

 

> **Magnus** **Fossbakken** **changed the group name to ‘unhelpful losers’**  
> 
> **(3:00) Jonas:** what the fuck dude GO TO SLEEP 

**9:45**  

 

> **The Flat**  
> 
> **(9:45)** **Eskild** **:** good morning lovelies!! 
> 
> **(9:45)** **Eskild** **:** rent is due in 5 days, just a friendly reminder <3 😉 

 

> **Pappa**
> 
> **(9:50):** Good morning Isak. Please call me when you see this, it’s about your mother. Hugs, Dad 

 

**11:05**  

>   **The Flat**  
> 
> **(11:05)** **Noora** **:** I finished cleaned up the flat. My birthday present to you, Isak! 
> 
> **(11:06)** **Eskild** **:** oh how ive missed you noora 😙 
> 
> **(11:06)** **Noora** **:** Haha. 

 

Isak didn’t sleep well that night. He didn’t sleep well any night. Being a second-year student with insomnia had its consequences, like stumbling onto the tram at 8:50am looking like a ghost that had just risen from the dead, holding around 20 pages worth of revision in hopes that he could cram as much information as possible into his brain before sitting his exams. To keep his body alive, he would stop by the nearby store and cram his backpack full of energy drinks, chugging them to the back of his throat in attempt to wake up the cells in his body that were  _somehow_ still asleep. They stayed that way until the last 10 minutes of the exam, in which Isak would frantically flip over page by page, checking his answers and jamming the end of his pen into his forehead when he realised all the dumb, sleep deprived mistakes he had made.  

_Sleep deprivation is a serious matter._ The words of the school nurse rang inside his head. He had visited her occasionally during his second year when he begun staying up until 1am, 2am, eventually 3am, staying at the blank ceiling above his bed, trying to make out little details through the early morning darkness. The longer he stared, the more of the ceiling he could make out, as he peeled the darkness away and spotted little cracks through the paint.  _How did_ _Noora_ _sleep with this?_ The urge to get up from his curled position on the mattress and peel at the paint was infinitely strong, but he held back. That didn't stop him from staring though.  

The nurse had told him to talk to someone about what was spiralling in his brain so much that he was unable to sleep because of it. But Isak didn’t even know  _why_ he couldn’t fall asleep. Everything was lined up perfectly for a normal person to be able to sleep, he had a routine. He’d brush his teeth just after  Eskild  left the bathroom at 23:35, eyeing up the ungodly number of used condoms thrown recklessly in the trash that straight up  _judged_ him for the amount of sex he wasn’t having. He’d head back to his room, murmur somewhat of a goodnight to Linn next door (never really waiting for a response), before turning out the light. He’d climb into the same bed sheets he had been using for months, curl up into a ball and close his eyes.  

The weight on his eyes was there, indicating to him that he was tired, and he felt it through his body. His heart rate slowed; his arms felt weak. Even his mind had basically shut down, but the sleep never came. It was like waiting for a train that was never scheduled to come. It felt hopeless. There was nothing on his mind, just blank, and yet, he couldn’t stop staring at that fucking ceiling.  

Eskild knew. Linn knew. Isak noticed the way their footsteps slowed as they passed Isak’s room to go to the bathroom, the yellow glow from his bedside light gleamed across from the source to beneath the door. They never really brought it up, just asked how he had slept, to which Isak gave them a shrug as he spooned cereal into his mouth.  _Fine._  

After going to the nurse for the first time, Isak considered talking to Jonas. He was slowly getting over his crush, even though every time Jonas’ eyes watched him, he felt a burning sensation in his chest. The tips of his fingers tingled, and his own eyes refused to meet his, like he was afraid of what he would see when he looked into his pupils. Those dilated pupils that made Isak’s head feel faint.  

They shared a kebab whilst walking down the street towards the tram stop, talking about a party that was arranged at Eva’s the following Friday, and debating the best Avenger after seeing Civil War at the cinema.  

_“It’s obviously Iron Man. The guy’s a fucking unit!”_  

_“Ant-Man stole the show, no questions asked.”_  

_“Oh my god, you are full of shit!”_  

They laughed again, and Isak felt better. He forgot why he even wanted to talk to Jonas in the first place about his insomnia. There was nothing to tell. Nothing on his mind that deprived him of the hours he could be unconscious for. 

That was the difference between 17-year-old and 18-year-old Isak. 

This time, something was on his mind. 

Or, some _one._   

He couldn’t get those fucking blue eyes out of his mind.  

The blue eyes that stared deep into Isak’s entire being through that fish tank, as if Isak’s existence was see through, and Even managed to look straight through him.  

He didn’t understand why his heart felt so pressured when Even looked at him. It was like he was fighting a force so strong that he felt the walls he had built around his soul crumble. Every shade of blue in Even’s eyes was another shade that he added to his collection of favourite colors. Not just the colors of his eyes amazed him, but every tone on his skin, the way it darkened near his chiselled cheek bone, and curved into his neck, threatening Isak as he suddenly forgot how to breathe. Even’s force held a lump in Isak’s throat, causing him to stop breathing. The air was so thick.  Just  _existing_  ached around Even. His smile radiated an energy as strong as the suns, and Isak didn’t want to stare directly at it, because somehow, he felt like it would damage his eyes to look for too long. But Isak still felt himself looking, for so long that he would’ve gone blind if he were actually looking into the sun. Which of course, he wasn’t. 

_But why did it feel like he was?_  

Somewhere during the time that Isak was mulling over his desire for the blue-eyed boy, he started to break down again. He remembered how it felt to get his mark, the pure aching that stretched onto his pale, freckled arm. It was an uncomfortable pulling on his muscle, that left a sharp itching over his skin as a result, with a symbol of a drop of water painted over the inside of his arm. The aching of the mark was nowhere near as painful as the aching of his heart when he saw Even’s mark that didn’t correspond with his.  

They were completely different. Completely fucking different and Isak felt like an idiot. He spent a considerable amount of time mentally punching himself for even thinking that he would find  _the one_ so perfectly like this. For thinking for a minute that the universe would grant him one treat  _for once_  as an apology for splitting up his parents, making him walk around on 2 hours of sleep every night, and closeting himself so hard that he might as well be fucking stuck in a physical closet for the rest of his life. He felt like doing that, that night. Shutting himself in a dark space until the universe stopped moving. So, he did. 

Isak didn’t know what Even said to him as he walked by, he didn’t bother to listen. He just walked, until he was in his room with the lights switched off.  

He sat in the corner of his room and cried. Every tear that rolled down his cheek felt toxic on his skin.  

He hated being vulnerable like this, having his heart crack open for the world to see him, as if the universe could peer into his very soul and dig into every memory, every thought, every feeling. He hardly ever cried like this. He was also drunk and high, which didn’t help. But as he cried, he felt the four walls around him open up, as if the whole flat could see him cry, could see him in his fragile state, and he felt  _laughable_ .  _Idiot, idiot. Such an idiot._  

That night was the longest night of his life, apart from the night when his dad left his mom. 

 

. 

 

Isak awoke to the sound of whistling down the hall and the smell of freshly cooked pancakes, how he wished every morning would start. He knew that Eskild did this to drag Isak out of his ‘cave’ as he called it, but there was no denying that it was a full proof plan that worked every time. Isak would have to be crazy to deny pancakes after the morning of having his heart shattered on his birthday.  

Reaching for his phone, he scrolled through all the messages rapidly with a sigh, a curl of his messy bed-head hair slipping into his eye as he went to reply.  

**11:35**  

 

> **Jonas**  
> 
> **(11:35)** : all good, sorry I was tired so I kinda passed out in bed. thanks for last night 
> 
>  
> 
> **unhelpful losers**  
> 
> **(11:36)** : who'd mahdi pull? 
> 
> **(11:36)** : & thx for last night <3 <3 
> 
>  
> 
>  

Isak hovered over the text from his dad, before locking his phone and jumping up from his bed.  

. 

“My brand-new  _legal_ baby boy!”  

Eskild threw his arms into the air when Isak entered the kitchen, stood in the doorframe and watching as Noora, Linn and Eskild sat together eating pancakes. The smell of lemon and sugar wafted past Isak’s nostrils, making him scrunch up his nose slightly, but his mouth began to water in anticipation. It had been way too long since he had pancakes. 

“Uh, hi,” Isak began, still dressed down in his long, oversized pyjamas that hugged to his waist as he took another step towards the counter. He was unable to say anything else without Eskild fluffing his hair even more than it already was thanks to his fidgeting sleeping habits.  

“Good morning, Isak.” Noora greeted him with a smile she always wore, her silver-like hair falling onto her shoulders so majestically that Isak wondered if she always looked this pretty. Unlike Isak, who felt like a gross ugly baby the way that Eskild had greeted him.  

“Piss off, Eskild.” Isak batted Eskild’s needy arms away, earning himself a sad pout as he grabbed himself a plate from the top shelf.  

“That’s no way to greet your lovely roommate who made pancakes  _especially_  for you.” Eskild’s saddened tone dripped from his pouting lips, as he turned to sit back down beside Noora. “Always so grumpy, you’d think that hooking up with someone the night before would at least put a smile on his face the next morning.”  

Isak turned his head as he slapped the pancake down onto his plate. “I didn’t hook up with anyone.” 

“You didn’t?” 

“No?” Isak rose an eyebrow, shaking his head and turning back to squeeze the lemon juice from a lemon-shaped tube.  

“I saw you go into your bedroom and stay there the whole night, I just assumed you were getting some well-needed action.”  

“I know this might be hard for you to understand,” Isak begun, turning and carelessly sliding his plate onto the table to join the rest before he continued to speak. “- but bedrooms aren’t just for fucking.” A sharp scratch on the floor echoed through the halls as he pulled out the wooden chair from the table, slumping into it with an annoyed huff. He started to regret even coming out of his bedroom. 

“Everyone needs dick, Isak.”  

Isak let a piece of pancake hang from his mouth, giving Eskild the ‘i-am-so-done-with-your-shit' look before attempting to push the piece into his mouth to chew.  

“Even Noora needed dick, and she is like a ray of sunshine!” 

“Eskild...” 

“What? It’s true. Before William, you were getting pissy every 20 minutes.”  

“You  _gave me_ reasons to get pissy.” 

“ _Whatever_. Truth is, getting laid makes everybody happy.” 

“Isak doesn’t have to sleep around to be happy, Eskild. He’s 18 now, he has other things to focus on.”  

Isak rose his eyes lazily, not even wanting to bother with this conversation anymore. “It’s not that I don’t want to hook up, I just...” Isak’s voice trailed off, unsure of what he even wanted to say. “I dunno, never find anyone I’m interested in.” He hung his head once again, feeling the eyes of all three of them digging under his skin.  

“And besides, he just got his mark.” Noora waved her hand towards Isak’s arm that was fully on show. Eskild gasped so loud that Isak felt a pop in his ear, and soon enough, Eskild was grabbing his arm and growing increasingly giddy over something that Isak just wanted to ignore.  

“It’s so pretty, I love those colors! How does it feel? Are you excited to meet the one? Have you thought about downloading one of those soulmate apps? Or going on Reddit? Oh my god, this is so exciting!”  

Isak’s brain was spiralling with questions of his own, and Eskild adding even more pressure onto something that caused his insomnia to worsen the previous night was something that he couldn’t deal with. He finished his pancake quickly, and left the kitchen before any other soul crushing points were brought up that made Isak want to crush his head between the walls of his bedroom even more than he already did.  

As he went, Eskild called after him offering to make him a Soulmate profile, to which Isak just flipped him off as he walked away. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Linn. Someone out there is bound to put up with his grumpy ass!” 

Shutting his door behind him, the blonde pressed his back to it, his fingers pressing into the several small dents across the paint from when Eskild was bothering him on the other side, where he was forced to take physical action to push him away. It’s not like he didn’t like interacting with other people, he just...  _preferred_ the silence of being alone. Was that such a bad thing? Compared to his friends who were so openly outgoing and constantly talked about sex and girls’ clitorises, he felt like he related to them in no way. They got along well, but Isak found himself never being able to start a conversation with them anymore. He always just tagged along in their current topic, which was 90% of the time about girls, a topic that Isak wasn’t all too keen on.  

He’d rather talk about stupid Biology theories with Sana than girls.  

It was hard to believe, but it was true.  

Isak pulled up his laptop from the side of his bed, placing it on his lap and adjusting the pillows so that he was propped up against the wall beside his mattress. The screen lit up instantly, showing the previous tabs that Isak had been looking at. A few Dr Phil YouTube videos, a Reddit post, and Facebook.  

_Facebook Search: Even_  

_2,400 results found._  

He felt like a stalker. A weird, teen stalker with a crush, but he couldn’t help himself. The urge to see that handsome face that made Isak forget his own name was way too strong for him to ignore. But without any last name to go off, the name search was pretty much pointless. He had no idea what Evens last name was, and he should've asked. But maybe this was a sign. A sign that he didn’t really know Even. He knew the way he laughed, and the way that his eyes crinkled every time he smiled. He knew that Even got excited when he talked about movies, so much so that his pupils would dilate and his posture would grow more open. He knew the way that Even sipped on his beer lightly, and how well he listened to Isak ramble on about his third year problems.  

But he didn’t  _know_ Even. He didn’t know his favourite colours, the type of food he cooks for himself when he’s home alone. He didn’t know what made Even smile on bad days, and what made him sad on good days. He didn’t know the types of thoughts that ran through his mind daily, or the alarms that he set himself every day to make sure he got to things on time.  

He studies Film.  

He goes to UiO.  

And his smile makes Isak’s knees so fucking weak.  

That’s all he knew.  

And apparently that was all he needed to know to start stalking him on social media.  

Isak realised what he was doing, instantly deleting his search and staring at the empty search bar for a few moments. He needed a distraction. His mind was  _Even, Even, Even._  

 

> **Sana**  
> 
> **(11:56)** : fancy some Sunday studying and a coffee at mine tomorrow? 
> 
> **(11:** **56** **)** **Sana** : ??? 
> 
> **(11:** **56) Sana** : who are you and what have you done with my lazy biology partner? 
> 
> **(11:** **56** **)** : ha ha  
> 
> **(11:** **56** **)** : im serious 
> 
> **(11:57) Sana** : so am I?  
> 
> **(11:57) Sana** : seriously isak who possessed you to actually ask to study on a sunday? 
> 
> **(11:57)** : bye 
> 
> **(11:58) Sana** : WAIT 
> 
> **(11:58) Sana** : ill come 
> 
> **(11:59) Sana** : how’s 12? 
> 
> **(11:59)** : 12’s good 
> 
>  

. 

**S** **Ø** **N** **DAG**  

**12:05**  

“So, we can start with ‘control of the nervous system’ as that’s bound to be in our papers.” Sana begun as the two had sat down on the coffee table in the kitchen, Isak had his laptop in front of him and a few pieces of paper with a pen lying on top. Sana had brought her own notes which she had sprawled out onto the table. Just seeing the amount of notes she had in comparison to Isak was embarrassing enough, so he was afraid to say that he had not even  _looked_ at the nervous system yet.  

“Right, yeah. Nervous system.” Isak flipped through the pages he had on his table. 

“So Homeostatis maintains optimal conditions for enzyme action throughout the body, as well as all cell functions.” Sana continued; her head aimed down towards her notes as she read straight from the paper. “They control things like blood glucose, body temperature, water levels...”  

Isak had begun to tune out Sana’s voice as he flipped through his papers before turning to his laptop to google search the subject. The wind from the kitchen window began to flow into the room, raining a cool air down onto his pale skin to calm his spiralling thoughts that he tried to desperately to keep on biology. And with notifications popping up on his phone, it became even harder. Isak’s eyes turned towards his mark still resting on the inside of his arm, noticing the way the sunrays complimented the shades of blue. A ringing in his ears began and his blood began to heat up as his mind went back to Even. Fucking Even. He thought about his eyes, his laugh, his smile that could cure cancer if it wanted, the way he- 

“Isak.” 

“Huh?” 

“Name them.” 

“Name what?” 

“...Were you even listening to me?” 

Isak stared blankly at her, the most clueless look on his face admitting what he didn’t want to say out loud. With an exaggerated sigh, Sana leaned back in her chair. “Name the two nervous systems in humans.” 

“Right, yeah, uh...” The unsure tone in his voice was enough to make Sana roll her eyes, and Isak had never felt so judged before. It was the same look that his mother used to give him when she came home from a detention at school that he hadn’t told her about. Pure disappointment,  _some anger._ It burned Isak to his core. “The...central?” 

“And what parts of our body are in the central nervous system?” 

_Fuck it. Fuck it all._  

“Fuck. I’m gonna fail this class so bad.” Isak slumped his head to the table, letting out a long whine from his lips. He sounded like a dying animal, and he felt that way too.  

“Why are you so distracted? You need to know this stuff, Isak. We learnt it in the first fucking year.” 

“Sana,  _please_ , you don't need to mother me.” 

“This isn’t mothering. I’m trying to help you.” Sana rose a brow as Isak looked up from his slumped position, pulling his head from his arms. “If you don’t want any help, I can just leave.” 

“Why’d you even come then?” 

“ _You_ invited me!” 

That was true. Isak had invited her over to help him, and he just rejected all the help she held out for him. Maybe he was being a little harsh.  

“Okay, sorry. I just... I have other stuff on my mind.” 

“Well you just turned eighteen. It’s understandable.” 

“How do you know that it’s about my age?” 

“Eighteen, Isak. Everyone gets issues at eighteen. You’re considered an adult, you get responsibilities, you have exams, you get your mark,” She continued on as Isak listened, “Everything changes. And you don’t seem like the most organised person in the universe, so I understand that it can get too much.”  

“Ouch.” 

“Well, you are. I’m just being truthful.” Sana rose her pen to her lip. “I’m not gonna sit here and say that you’re going to be fine, Isak. Because you might not be. You might hit rock bottom tomorrow, or you might fail your exams. But it’s not about the future, it’s about what you do now. Life is happening right now. And you choose what to do. You want to study for your exam and get a good mark? You do that. You wanna ditch school and sit in bed all day? You do that.” Sana shrugged her shoulders, eyes moving back down to her own papers. “You’re behind the steering wheel of your own life.”  

Isak just stared. It scared him how true she was, and how she knew so much about everything he was thinking. Maybe he was thinking of the future too much. Maybe he was overthinking his mark. Maybe he overthought everything these days. Clicking his pen, he wet his dry lips before attempting to speak.  

“Sometimes I think you hide two brains inside that hijab.” Isak spoke, his voice coming out as a small strain to try and slip a joke through the serious lines of the conversation they had just entered. But Sana smiled his way, which allowed his nerves to cool down.  

“Maybe I do. But you’ll never find out.” She rose her finger to her lip with her smile threatening to widen.  

Isak laughed, which allowed Sana to laugh with him. The air felt less restricting on Isak’s lungs, and he slumped into his chair again. After a moment’s silence, he returned his gaze to Sana.  

“Thanks, though.” He mumbled, not really used to getting this serious with anyone besides Jonas or Eva. Sana had just been his cold biology partner that he occasionally saw outside of class, but maybe there was room to become friends with her.  _Maybe_.  

“No problem. Don’t tell Elias I got this sappy with you, though.”  

“Elias?”  

“My brother? He’s Even’s friend.” 

As soon as Sana spoke his name, his heart jumped in his chest and his tongue went dry. It felt weird having his name being spoken by someone else. But it felt so...  _real._  

Even had been this dream ever since Friday night that he felt so threatened by, an angel that made him laugh and made his heart do unthinkable things.  

Isak had begun to think it was fake, as fake as dreams go. But this just confirmed how real he was. 

“Huh? You know Even?” 

“Well, not... really. But he went to your party on Friday, I saw you talking to him.”  

_It’s all real._  

“Oh.” Isak hesitated, unsure of what to say about Even.  _I’ve been dreaming of him since I saw him. He broke my heart without even knowing. He’s breaking me by something he can’t control._ “We only met last night.” 

“You seemed to get along well.”  

_If getting along well was getting impossibly close to each other, prolonging eye contact and_ _subtle_ _hand touching then yeah, we did get along pretty well._  

“I guess so.” 

 

. 

> **1** **6** **:25**  
> 
> **unhelpful losers**  
> 
> **(1** **6** **:** **25** **)** **Magnus** : why are painkillers so fucking expensive 
> 
> **(1** **6:25** **)** **Jonas** : i think ur just broke man 
> 
> **(16:25) M** **ahdi** : lets get him a sugar daddy 
> 
> **(16:25) Magnus** : the fuck is a sugar daddy? 
> 
> **(16:2** **6** **)** : whats up bitches 
> 
> **(16:2** **6** **) Magnus** : isak what’s a sugar daddy? 
> 
> **(16:2** **6** **) Jonas** : yo issy 
> 
> **(16:27** **)** : hello to you too, mags 
> 
> **(16:2** **7** **) Magnus** : someone answer me!!! 
> 
> **(16:27)** :  [ www.google.com ](http://www.google.com/) 
> 
> **(16:2** **8** **) Magnus** : ugh fuck you guys 
> 
> **(16:28) Magnus** : the group name doesn’t lie 
> 
> **Isak** **Valtersen c** **hanged the group name to ‘** **mags needs a sugar daddy** **’**  
> 
> **(16:** **30** **)** : it really doesn’t 
> 
> **(16:30)** : mags it’s 2019 fucking google it 
> 
> **(16:** **32** **) Mahdi** : hows the life of an 18 year old isak? 
> 
> **(16:3** **4** **)** : amazing, I can finally not feel guilty about going on pornhub and ticking the “are you 18+?” question 
> 
> **(16:** **34** **) Jonas** : dude 
> 
> **(16:** **35** **) Magnus** : you guys are GROSS 
> 
> **(16:35) Magnus** : plus im not gay so I cant get a sugar daddy 
> 
> **(16:35) Magnus** : isak maybe you should try and get one? 
> 
> **(16:34)** : ha ha 
> 
> **(16:35) Magnus** : what about that uni student you were talking to Friday night? 
> 
> **(16:3** **6** **) Jonas** : leave him alone mags lmao 
> 
> **(16:3** **6** **)** : laugh all you want but im the one that decides who gets beer at our next pregame 
> 
> **(16:3** **7** **) Magnus** : im just kidding, love u issy 
> 
> **(16:3** **8** **)** : ;) 

Isak had been slumped in his usual place on his bed ever since Sana left. His brain was full of everything Biology after they had crammed a lot of subjects in due to Isak’s random burst of energy, so he needed a break. After messaging the guys and trying to take in the fact that they had seen him talking with Even, he tried not to think about it too much.  

_Life is happening right now._  

Sana hadn’t seemed like the type that Isak would have a serious conversation with, but when it did happen, it seemed kind of... natural. He hadn’t really felt that way about talking to a friend before other than Jonas. It was nice, a refreshing distraction from the stress that he had been pulling himself through over his mark, the blue-eyed angel from the party, his sexuality... 

Isak pulled his laptop onto his lap once more, closing all the Biology tabs and opening Facebook up. He hadn’t been on it since he attempted to search for Even. Even  _no-last-name-mysterious-gorgeous-charming_ Even. It didn’t even occur to him that he could’ve asked Sana for his last name, but he didn’t want to face the questioning looks she would give him when he had to explain why he even wanted his last name.  

If Isak was able to act subtle enough, he could’ve probably played it off. But Isak wasn’t subtle, he wasn’t smooth, and he didn’t want to risk anything. 

But, Isak had another plan. 

He went to Sana’s facebook, clicking on her friends and searching for ‘Even’.  

_So much for not being a stalker._  

The page loaded, and Isak’s heart stopped. 

_Even Bech_ _N_ _æsheim_ _._  

Isak’s small fingers quickly pressed the button on his laptop to bring him to Even’s page. Isak scrolled down through his page, unable to see everything due to Even’s privacy settings. But he saw those eyes on his profile picture. He missed them. He missed the way they lit up every time Isak would make him laugh. He missed the way every shade reflected Isak’s image as their eyes met. 

_Holy fuck, he is so gorgeous._  

Isak had it bad. But at this point, he wanted to embrace it. 

**Friend Request to Even Bech** **N** **æsheim** **has been sent.**  

. 

**21** **:** **15**  

Isak had migrated from his bed to the living room couch, pressing his back against three pillows placed behind him, watching the TV alongside Linn and Eskild. He didn’t even know what movie was on, but he needed more distraction from the fact that Even hadn’t accepted his friend request yet or even sent a message his way. He felt so desperate, checking Facebook to see if maybe his phone didn’t receive the notification from the app, or maybe if Facebook’s servers were down. But every time he was met with a ‘ **Friend Request Pending** ’ message, and his heart sank to the bottom of his chest.  

Dropping his phone to his chest for the 400th time that night, he tried to focus on the movie, but it was hard. It looked like a low budget movie that Eskild had rented for a few nights, which he wasn’t even paying attention to, as he swiped his phone every few seconds.  _Grindr._ Linn was also quite obviously disorientated from the movie, as her eyes were closed and her body was tucked into a small ball in the corner of the couch.  

Isak eventually stood up again, heading to the kitchen to get a drink.  

On his way, his phone vibrated in his jeans.  

Pulling it out lazily, ready to be disappointed, he had to rub his eyes awake when he saw the name on the notification. He scrambled to unlock his phone, almost dropping and smashing it in the process. 

 

**21:** **21**  

 

> **Even Bech**   **N** **æsheim**
> 
> **(** **21:21** **)** : hello there, boy from the fish tank! 
> 
> **(21:21)** : wow, is that actually going to be my nickname? 
> 
> **(21:2** **2** **)** : I had a few in mind actually. 
> 
> **(21:22)** : boy from the fish tank 
> 
> **(21:22)** : fish-boy 
> 
> **(21:22)** : juliet 
> 
> **(21:22)** : that second year boy with terrible movie taste 
> 
> **(21:2** **3** **)** : juliet?? 
> 
> **(21:2** **3** **)** : romeo + juliet. 
> 
> **(21:23** **)** : you can see why I got the fourth nickname  
> 
> **(21:2** **4** **)** : haha fuck you 
> 
> **(21:2** **4** **)** : that’s not very nice, weren’t you taught to respect your elders? 
> 
> **(21:24)** : you’re not really an elder 
> 
> **(21:2** **5** **)** : 20 is kinda old 
> 
> **(21:2** **5** **)** : damn you really are old... maybe I should stop talking to you. 
> 
> **(21:2** **6** **)** : fair enough.  
> 
> **(21:26)** : was nice talking to you 
> 
> **(21:26)** : I wont ever forget the way you stared at those fish as if they were the love of your life 
> 
> **(21:2** **6** **)** : you were staring at them too! 
> 
> **(21:26)** : I wasn’t 
> 
> **(21:26)** : what else could you have been staring at?? 
> 
> **(21:26)** : You. 
> 
>  

Isak felt his blood boil, his heart pounding against his chest.  _Shit._  

_I was staring at you too._

 

> **(21:2** **7** **)** : Maybe, maybe not 😉 
> 
> **(21:2** **7** **)** : I knew you were a stalker 
> 
> **(21:27)** : Your one and only stalker <3 
> 
> **(21:27)** : oh yeah? 
> 
> **(21:27)** : Yeah, I’m actually outside your window right now 
> 
> **(21:27)** : what am I doing right now then? 
> 
> **(21:27)** : You’re staring at the fish again 
> 
> **(21:27)** : all flustered 
> 
> **(21:27)** : oh my god shut up about the fish 
> 
> **(21:27)** : hahaha I'm just joking, isak. 
> 
> **(21:2** **9** **)** : I’m really glad you added me though. 
> 
> **(21:29)** : I was thinking about doing it yesterday but my therapist told me to push away my stalker-like tendencies so I don’t scare you away. 
> 
> **(21:2** **9** **)** : I’m glad too 
> 
> **(21:29)** : I didn’t know you knew Sana 
> 
> **(21:29)** : Elias’ sister? She’s cool. 
> 
> **(21:29)** : yeah, she mentioned your name when we were studying 
> 
> **(21:29)** : Aw. 
> 
> **(21:29)** : And you looked me up after? You’re cute 
> 
> **(21:29)** : pfffft 
> 
> **(21:29)** : don’t flatter yourself 
> 
> **(21:** **30** **)** : I'm not 
> 
> **(21:** **30** **)** : You really are cute though 
> 
> **(21:** **30** **)** : I try my best 
> 
> **(21:30)** : oh isak 
> 
> **(21:30)** : you don’t need to try  
> 
>  

Isak texted Even for the rest of the night until 11 when Even went to sleep. 

**23:02**  

> **Even Bech** **N** **æsheim**  
> 
> **(2** **3** **:** **02** **):**  I'll message you tomorrow, I have a presentation in the morning. 
> 
> **(23:02):**  Maybe we can get coffee or something. 
> 
> **(23:02):**  Goodnight, Isak <3 
> 
> **(2** **3:03** **)** : Goodnight Even 

 

Isak’s heart was full, and the smile on his lips never fell. 

He drifted to sleep peacefully for the first time in months. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!


	3. nothing compares to the way you look at me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak gets a new destressing technique. Magnus is really desperate. Even makes an offer.
> 
> word count: 6,690

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much (again) for your feedback!!! 
> 
> i'm sorry if this feels like it's dragging on, but things will kick off next chapter. as i said before I have BIG plans haha!
> 
> let me know what you think <3

Isak had gotten familiar with waking up every morning on 2 hours sleep, met with a blinding light from his curtains, and the deep guttural feeling in his stomach of dread for the day to come. It took his whole-body force along with some convincing knocks on the door from Eskild to actually get him up from his bed to go to school. Especially Mondays. Isak usually carried his hangover from the weekend on to Mondays, sporting a painful headache and a weak body due to how much alcohol had been poured into his bloodstream over the weekend. It wasn’t that he enjoyed partying or going out with his friends, even though he did, but the alcohol numbed him.  

With constant reminders from his father that his mother was getting worse every day, his exams coming up in the next few weeks and the stress of being so painfully closeted – the alcohol settled him. He knew it wasn’t the best way to destress, but he hadn’t found any other successful way.  

But that Sunday night, he found another destressing technique. 

Talking to Even Bech Næsheim.  

Not only did talking to him cause any other worries to disappear, he felt better than he had ever felt whilst drunk or high on weed. It was like a whole other  _world_ of peace when all he had on his mind was finding out more about what lies behind those blue eyes and floppy hairstyle. They had texted back and forth all night, mainly about different movies that Isak had seen so that he could prove he wasn’t somewhat uncultured (which failed miserably), but Isak also learnt new things about Even that he could add to his list of why he was so goddamn fucking perfect. 

He had made the list in his mind, and never forgot any of it; Even used to make home movies when he was a child about life with his family and would show them at family events. He also drew in his spare time, mainly Impressionism, but he usually found drawing muses in many random things, people and places. He attended Elvebakken and graduated to then head to UiO. He was going to study Art but he felt more attached to Film and Media, so he ended up choosing to study that instead.  

Even had opened up to him a lot about his interests, but it still wasn’t enough for Isak. He wants to  _know_ Even. He wants to know him inside and out. He wants to feel as though he can look through him and see all his memories, his thoughts. Isak wants Even. He wants all of him.  

 _Does he want to know me too?_  

Isak had opened up about himself, too. He had told Even about his interest in Biochemistry and his plans to study it at UiO - which almost gave Isak a heart attack to think about the two of them going to the same University. He told Even about his friends, and about all the stupid memes they sent each other in the group chat. He talked about his flat share with Eskild and Linn, and how he was forced to watch a shitty low budget movie with them that night, to which Even was very offended by.  

 **21** **:** **56**  

 **Even Bech** **N** **æsheim**  

 **(2** **1** **:** **56)** : Low budget films aren’t instantly shit, Isak 

 **(21:56)** : You seem way too personally offended by what I said  

 **(21:56)** : I am! You just broke my low-budget-movie-loving heart! 

 **(21:56)** : ill make a low budget movie of you and then you won't be complaining

 

Even had also mentioned Isak’s mark at one point, making Isak want to sink into the floor and die.  

 

 **2** **2:25**  

 **Even Bech N** **æsheim**  

 **(2** **2** **:** **25** **)** : Did getting your mark hurt btw? 

 **(22:2** **7** **)** : uh no, why 

 **(22:27** **)** : Idk, for some people it hurts and others it doesn’t 

 **(22:2** **7** **)** : oh right 

 **(22:27)** : your mark is pretty though 🙂 

 **(22:27)** : a water drop, very creative 

 **(22:27)** : thanks I guess 

 

 _Of course_ _he fucking saw it. He saw how it was different to mine, but why would he care anyway?_ _He had no reason to care. I’m just some boy he met at a party._ _He’s had his mark for 2_ _years,_ _he’s probably found his soulmate._  

 _What the fuck am I doing?_  

 

 **(22:27)** : oh my god I can call you water boy 

 **(22:27)** : like fire boy and water girl 

 **(22:27)** : DONT YOU DARE 

 **(22:28)** : ok.. 

 **(22:28)** : wet boy? 

 **(22:28)** : ok no that’s worse 

 **(22:29)** : I can’t believe you just said ‘wet boy’ 

 

Every time that Isak would consider stopping the conversation between them after rethinking what he was doing and how hopeless it would be to chase after Even, he just...  _couldn’t_. Every other message from him would make him laugh in a way that he felt his heart flutter against his chest, like some lovesick teenage girl. No-one made him feel like this. And it felt so right.  

Can’t he just enjoy it without thinking of the future? Without thinking of how much heartbreak he would go through when Even eventually turns him down and goes off with the one he was actually meant to be with? 

He allowed himself this for now. He owes himself this much happiness, right? 

Well, if not himself, at least the universe owes him this.  

 

**MANDAG**

**9:02**  

Isak arrived to his first class of the day before most of his classmates – which was an extremely rare occasion – and he took that time to chill for a bit at the back of the class. He seated himself in his normal seat, pulling his laptop from his backpack and opening it up on the table. Whilst he waited for it to boot up, he pulled up his phone that was buried deep into his jacket pocket and tried to catch up with his messages. 

 **mags** **needs** **a sugar daddy**  

 **(** **8** **:25) Magnus** : shit I forgot my maths homework 

 **(8:2** **6** **)** **Mahdi** : dude do you even have any working brain cells left? 

 **(8:2** **6** **) Magnus** : who needs brain cells when you have beer and girls on a Friday night!! 

 **(8:26) Mahdi** : omg 

 **(8:26)** **Jonas** : you can’t keep copying off all my answers for the rest of your life 

 **(8:2** **7** **)** **Magnus** : please jonas 

 **(8:2** **7** **) Magnus** : ill buy you a kebab after school 

 **(8:** **32** **) Jonas** : buy us all a kebab and then it’s a deal 

 **(8:** **33** **) Mahdi** : I like the sound of that 

 **(8:** **33** **) Magnus:**  ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fine 

 **(8:3** **4** **) Jonas** : sweet! I'll meet you at the cafeteria in 5 mins so u can do the homework 

 **(8:3** **4** **)** **Magnus:** kk 

 **(** **9:02** **)** **:** free kebab? I'm in 

 **(** **9** **:** **02** **) Magnus** : I can be your kebab sugar daddy 

 **(9:02):** mags can you stop calling yourself a sugar daddy 

 **(** **9:** **04** **) Jonas** : isak have you seen eva today? 

 **(9:0** **4** **):** nope 

 **(** **9** **:** **04** **) Jonas** : if you see her tell me 

 **(9:04):** I got u 

 **Es** **kild Tryggvason**  

 **(** **9:04** **)** : hey isak, do you think you can pay the rent this month? You still owe for last month but if you can pay this one I'll let you off <3 

 

 _Fuck. The rent._ His mind had been caught up with so much else that he had completely forgotten about it. It wouldn’t have been the first time, though. 

 **(9:04):** let me check with my dad 

Isak pulled up his messages between him and his father, glancing over how many text messages he had sent in the past month where Isak had just ignored them. Most of them were invitations to dinner, but there was no will left in Isak to actually go to see his father again. It had been so long, and they hadn’t really left each other on great terms. The last time he had a proper conversation with him was the night that he had left his mother. 

His parents were soulmates, sharing the bond of the same mark plastered on their wrists of a black spiral type shape. Everything between them seemed perfect, and Isak grew up surrounded by love between them and his older sister, Lea. It was like a shitty family romcom but in real life, but Isak felt constantly grateful for the happy childhood he was blessed with - compared to many other children that grew up with nothing.  

But somewhere among the past few years, Isak started to notice that his mother was spiralling down, her moods were changing, and she began to stay cooped up in her bedroom a lot more often. 15-year-old Isak would knock on the door and ask if she was alright, if she was going to be joining the rest of them for dinner, but he wouldn’t get a reply. He would stand and wait outside her door until his father found him again, and pulled him away, just stating that his mother ‘was quite ill’, and never diving further past that. 

Isak felt like he was in the dark about his family for a long time after that, as if there was something else going on that they were hiding from him. His mother had gone from a bright, ecstatic body of life to someone that he barely recognised anymore.  He barely recognised the woman that exited the bedroom two times a day to use the bathroom, before heading straight back in again, disappearing behind the white door that felt like a mental barrier between him and his loving relationship with the one woman he truly cared about. The door was shutting him out, physically, but also mentally. He didn’t know what to do anymore.  

After Isak turned 16, his parents were fighting. Lea had moved out already as she was 20 at the time, leaving him to cope with the never-ending shouting between the walls of the house he once called home. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Nothing felt like home. His room didn’t feel like his, his parents didn’t even seem to acknowledge him when he came home from school, met with the same angry eyes he had gotten used to over the year.  

The worse the fighting got, the more Isak stayed away from home.  

He stayed at Jonas’, made excuses to stay for extra classes at school, told his friends that they were having construction done on his house so he had to stay out until it was complete. It never was complete. Jonas ended up forcing it out of him, and felt personally responsible for Isak’s home issues, inviting him to stay at his house for as long as he needed. 

Isak felt like he was using Jonas, and alongside the budding crush he was gaining for his best friend, it became hard to stay at his house without wanting to stay incredibly close to him, to hold him when he slept beside him, to feel his warm breath in the cold night air... 

 _Can he just get a fucking break?_  

The night that Isak attempted to go back home was the night that he left for good. It was the night that his dad lost it, flipping out at both him and his mother. He threw names towards her like ‘batshit crazy’ and ‘depressed’, before leaving and attempting to tell Isak to do the same. And even though they were soulmates, that never seemed to convince his father enough for him to just stay. 

“ _She’s beyond crazy, I_ _sak_ _!_ _I can’t stand this anymore._ _Get out while you still can, son._ _”_  

He just stared at the front door as it slammed shut, his mother's sobs filling the room.  

His heart was teared apart, ripped into pieces. 

But he left. 

He left his mom to go out and get pissed. 

Isak lost count of the amount of text messages he had constructed towards his mother, read, and instantly deleted. He wanted to speak to her, of course he did. The first year after leaving home he had called her crazy, cut all ties with her just like her father told him to, and turned down any questions about family.  _We aren’t in contact_ he would tell them. After many failed attempts at gaining contact again, Isak stopped trying. Especially with how fucking  _locked_ in the closet he was, reminded of this every time his mother would send a verse from the Bible during the day. 

 _She’d push me away. I don’t want her to push me away again. Not this time._  

 **Pappa**  

 **(9:** **06** **):** Can you transfer 4000kr for the rent ASAP. Didn’t get it last month 

Isak put his phone down back on the table before he was able to feel any sort of guilt for ignoring the previous messages. Instead, he focused on his laptop, which was now turned on and went to the Google. He opened a few tabs, preparing for the class with his written-up notes from his study session with Sana. Thank  _god_  for Sana. If Isak was going to start praying again like he did when he was little, he would pray for Sana saving him from failing Biology. He didn’t know how he would live with himself if he failed, as his future UiO BioChem plans would be delayed by at least a year – maybe even more.  

Isak also opened up Facebook to one of the tabs, scrolling through various different shared political posts from his distant family and selfies from others. A girl he dated in the first year, Sara, was still on his friends list. She had uploaded a selfie with many different comments from her friends just posting hearts and choruses of how pretty she looked.  

 _She is pretty. Really, really pretty._  

 _Why the fuck do I not feel anything?_  

He had hooked up with countless girls that usually don’t go anywhere past make outs in random bathrooms, but Sara was his first proper ‘girlfriend’. Even though people usually end up splitting up due to their soulmate marks being different after they each turn 18, that didn’t mean people didn’t go out with each other. It made hook-ups more popular, yes, but people still liked people. People  _still_  needed people. 

But that really was all it was with Sara. 

There was nothing sexual about the relationship, he was basically her therapist. He listened to her every time she came out of school mad about something one of her friends said. He calmed her down by holding her hand, kissing her cheek and that was that. There were no real conversations between them, nothing that really mattered apart from Sara’s stupid school drama. Isak coped, but eventually Sara realised that was no chemistry there, and let Isak go. He was grateful, really. He probably didn’t have the balls to do it himself. 

And then there was Even, who made Isak sweat and lose his train of thought just by _looking_ in his general direction.  

A notification sound of a Facebook message echoed through his laptop speakers, and his eyes darted to the bottom right corner of the screen, seeing a red bubble next to Even’s name.  

 _Great timing, angel._  

 **9:10**  

 **Even Bech N** **æsheim**  

 **(** **9:10** **)** : stop slacking at school, juliet 

 **(9:10)** : stop stalking me bech næsheim 

 **(9:10)** : im not stalking 

 **(9:10)** : just protecting your education 

 **(9:10)** : bitch please, I'm a bio master 

 **(9:10)** : that’s not what sana said 

 _Oh god._ Had they been talking about him? Isak knew that Sana and Even knew each other, but not like  _that._  

 **(9:11** **)** : talking behind my back? That's not very romeo of you 

 **(9:1** **1)** : your name may have come up in conversation :p sorry bby <3 

 _If he calls me ‘bby’ one more time then I might need a fucking ambulance. Or two._  

 **(9:1** **2** **)** : go back to your own class omfg  

 **(9:1** **2** **)** : alright alright. 

 **(9:12)** : but before I go 

 **(9:12)** : kaffebrenneriet, 16h. Meet me there? 

Even actually wanted to meet up with him again. Isak felt sick when the butterflies in his stomach begun to fly high into his throat. 

 **(9:12)** : sure 

Even sent a gif of a red heart straight after, and Isak couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his lips, his dimples clearly denting into his skin, but he didn’t care. At this moment, nothing mattered. Nothing but Even. Now, he really was a teenage girl with a crush. He felt warm inside, like he hadn’t done for months. Years. Probably ever since Jonas had unknowingly grazed his fingers over Isak’s in the first year whilst they slept on the same bed.  

He just grinned, staring into nothing as his skin tingled against the thought of being in the presence of those big, blue eyes again. Nothing compared. 

 _Nothing compares to the way you look at me._  

 _Please never stop looking at me._  

. 

 **12:37**  

The day had dragged on as Isak hadn’t been able to take his mind off of anything else but seeing Even after school. He tried his best to pay attention in his classes, writing down more notes than usual alongside Sana who gave him appreciative looks every time he made more of an effort, but his mind just went back to  _him._ He stared into an empty space of the classroom, thinking about what he would even say to Even when they met up. What were they even going to talk about? It’s not like they had a lot in common, as Even had clearly made a point of as he judged Isak on his lack of movie knowledge. It worried him that they would be stuck in silence and Even would regret wasting his time on a random third year. The third year that had a dumb teenage crush on him which he would never have the balls to even confront him about.  

It was quite ironic how Even wanted Isak to pass his exams but every time Even spoke to him, he was unable to concentrate on any of his classes. Even’s pure existence clouded Isak’s vision of anything – of any _one_  - else. 

 _God._  

 _Why, world? Why are you fucking punishing me?_  

His brain was back and forth, and he felt like his two consciences were tearing him apart. He knew it was pointless chasing Even, they weren’t meant to be. He knew that Even had no real interest in him besides friendship and light teasing. ‘ _Bby_ _ <3’. _ But every inch of his soul was attached to him.  

Isak was a small, useless piece of metal, and Even was a huge magnet, pulling him in consistently to the point that Isak would just give in and  _let_ himself be pulled.  

It wasn’t like Isak was in love. It was just a stupid crush. It would go away. Eventually, it would go away. 

 _Please go away._  

Approaching the table that the rest of the boys were sat at, he announced his presence with a half-hearted ‘Halla’, and sat down at the one spare seat left. They were already in deep conversation about the new Avengers movie, which Isak instantly recognised and butted in to their debate.  

“Did you guys know that not  _everyone_ has seen the movie yet?” He spoke in his usual sarcastic tone, placing his bun on the table alongside a bottle of water he had bought from the local shop near the kollektiv. “And I’ll personally hunt you down if you spoil it for me.” 

“Chill, Isabell.” 

Isak shot a darkened side eye towards Mahdi who used his trademark nickname on him. What is with all these shitty nicknames he was given recently? Maybe he just attracted them.  

“And we didn’t even spoil it, we’re just talking about how-” 

“La la la la!” Isak placed his hands over his ears, pretending to sing a fake song over the top of their voices that annoyed the hell out of him in that precise moment. He continued until Mahdi stopped talking, and wore his most common ‘i’m gonna kick your ass’ look that was usually directed at Isak. There were a few seconds of silence, where Jonas just chewed on his food and stared at the scene with wide eyes and the hint of amusement tugging on his lips.  

“You’re such a drama queen.”  

“I’m not the only one that hates spoilers! The whole fucking world does. Next time you go to see a movie, I’ll spoil it right before it starts and we can see how you feel.” 

“Alright, guys. Chill.” Jonas interjected, letting out a breath that resembled a slight chuckle. “Let’s just talk about something else.” Isak nodded as he took a bite into his bun. 

“Oi,” Magnus begun, raising his arm as the rest of the boys went silent and turned their attention to him. “How about the fact that one of the uni girls sent me a message yesterday?”  

It was hard for them all to not burst into laughter. “No fucking way.” Jonas spoke, clearly not buying anything that Magnus was saying.  

“Nice bullshit, Mags.” 

It was typical that he would lie about anything to do with girls, and this resembled many of the lies he had told them before. But when Magnus’ poker face never fell, Isak started to think he was actually telling the truth. 

“Alright, show us, then.”  

It didn’t take long for Magnus to fish his phone from his pocket to tap on a few things before he turned his screen as all the boys leaned in. It was on Facebook messenger, and Isak saw that Magnus had sent some sort of meme about ‘Girl Power’, and there was a response. Not a ‘seen’ message underneath Magnus’ that he was usually left with. The girl actually responded with ‘Haha, love that! <3’.  

“Are you sure you didn’t just make a fake account or something?” Mahdi’s voice was beyond playful, nudging the side of Magnus’ arm. Magnus had worn the smuggest grin Isak had ever seen when announcing his ‘news’, but it quickly vanished when he realised how his friends weren’t buying any of it. With an irritated huff, he pulled his phone back to his chest and furiously began pressing more buttons. 

“I need new friends.” He muttered under his breath, before showing the girl’s profile to the rest of them.  _Sonja._ “ _There._ Not fake. Look,” Magnus turned the phone a little to scroll down to ‘Friends’ before showing the rest of them again. “She’s friends with all the uni students that were at Isak’s party.” The boys simultaneously leaned in to get a better look. He was right. All the names that Isak remembered from Eskild’s introduction were there. Elias, Adam, Muta... 

Even. 

Fuck, how could he forget? 

These were Even’s friends. This girl was a part of their group that turned up a little later on into the party, probably around the time that Isak was drowning his sorrows into the joint between his fingers in his bedroom.  

And thinking back, Isak did recognise her a lot more than he thought. Something snapped in him. He remembered. He remembered peeking out of his bedroom to check on who was still there at around 1 in the morning. He remembered sneaking to the bathroom to wash his face clean of tears when he was sure that everyone wasn’t looking, or were too drunk to see it was him.  

And on his way back, he remembered seeing this girl. Sonja.  

She was close to Even, pressed up against his side and laughing to something he must’ve said. He laughed along with her whilst their faces were way too close for something resembling ‘friends’. Even’s curled hair still stood proud on top of his head, and his full lips still wore the most beautiful smile Isak had seen. But he wasn’t the cause of it. That  _girl_  was.  

 _Is this what jealousy is?_  

The churning feeling inside his stomach only resembled something like what he felt when he needed to throw up, or when he had eaten something that Eskild had attempted to make and it did  _not_ agree with Isak. Watching the two enjoying each other's company, wrapped up in their own tiny little world that Isak wasn’t involved in made his heart sink even further, as if it couldn’t sink any lower.  

Isak was fine until Even came along. Until Even Bech-fucking-Næsheim made him feel things inhuman. 

And there he was, sharing it with someone else.  

He couldn’t blame him. Isak had ran off to hide in his bedroom like a scared little cat reacting to a storm. But he hadn’t entered the bedroom with all of him.  

He had left his heart with Even.  

His heart that cried, ‘ _P_ _l_ _ease love me. Love me and I swear I’ll treat you right.’_  

“There’s no way she wants to sleep with you, bro.”  

“Are you guys trying to make me feel like shit?” 

“Truth hurts, man.” 

“Ugh! Whatever, I just-” 

Isak heard his friends’ voices, but his brain didn’t register them properly. He just sat, staring at the wall as he summed everything up in his head.  

“-ak, you know him, right?”  

Suddenly, all eyes were on him.  _Can you just let me ponder my life decisions in peace?_  

Isak made a noise at the back of his throat, a sort of strained grunt as he came back to life and adjusted his eyes to meet Magnus’. “Huh?” 

“The uni student you were talking to on Friday. What’s his name?”  

Isak’s throat made another noise.  _Kill me._  

“Uh, Even. I think, I dunno.”  _Play it cool._  

“Even! Yeah! Isak, dude, help me out. You’re friends with him, right?”  

“Uh...” Isak hesitated, trying to act as cool and nonchalant as physically possible when it came to the blue-eyed angel. “I guess?” 

“Talk to him, try and talk to Sonja and mention me at least. Please?”  

“Ew, dude. No, what the fuck?” Isak rolled his eyes. 

“What’s the harm in it?!”  

“Why would a ‘97 go for you?”  

Isak’s eyes met Magnus’ as he saw the look of disappointment cloud his eyes. There was no way he wouldn’t let this go. Letting out a huff of annoyance, he shrugged his shoulders, taking a bite from the bun. “Whatever, fine.” He muttered through the food in his mouth. 

The conversation about the uni group died down  _finally,_ and Isak was glad that the boys didn’t question him about being friendly with Even after seeing him once on the night of his birthday. But then again, it wasn’t particularly strange, not to third years at least. Some third years were friendly with students at UiO, mainly because they attended the same high school the year before. This was only weird to Isak because of the pointless affection he had growing for Even. 

 _Shit, what would’ve happened if Even did actually transfer here last year?_  Isak wondered if he would still be longing for the taller boy like he is now. 

 _Probably in some other_ _parallel_ _universe._  

Isak started to tune out from the current conversation as he usually did, but was stable enough to feel the buzz in his jacket pocket. Pulling out his phone, he stared at the notification that came from his father.  

 **Pappa**  

 **(** **12** **:** **50)** **:** Just sent the money.  

 **(12:5** **0** **):** But can we please have dinner this week? I’ll pay.  

. 

 **15:57**  

Isak sipped on the caramel spiced coffee he had ordered once he got to Kaffebrenneriet, taking a seat at one of the window seats. He was slightly early, and he didn’t expect Even to get there on time as UiO was situated further away than Nissen, so he prepared to wait a while. His phone buzzed once more in his pocket, to which he pulled it out and found a few incoming notifications from his mother and the boys’ group chat.  

 **Mamma**  

 **(15:58):** Isaiah 43:1-3  

 **(15:58):**  Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. 

 **mags** **needs** **a sugar daddy**  

 **(** **15** **:** **50** **) Magnus** : isak where u at?? 

 **(15:5** **2** **)** **Jona** **s** : what’s his last class 

 **(15:5** **2** **) Magnus** : idk, norwegian? 

 **(15:5** **5** **) Jonas** : isak we’re leaving bro where are you 

 **(15:55** **) Ma** **hdi:** ISABELLLLL 

 **(15:5** **8** **) Magnus** : no free kebab for you </3 

 **(15:58) Magnus** : my bank account thanks you, though 

Shit. He had completely forgotten about making any plans after school with anyone but Even. It was only established quickly in the group chat earlier that morning, but Isak wasn’t going to bail on Even. He had been looking forward to this all day, and quite frankly, he felt like he would die if he didn’t have Even’s gorgeous face in front of him anytime soon.  

 **(16:03)** **:** sorry, caught up at school. ttyl 

Just as he pressed send, a voice behind him almost made him jump out of his skin. 

“Halla.” 

“Jesus!” Isak jolted in his seat, almost tipping his coffee over in the process. His own startled figure seemed to impact Even too, as he took a step back and rose his hands up to his chest, letting out a breath of a laugh.  

“Okay, that’s two times I’ve almost given you a heart attack just by saying hello.” Even grinned, taking the seat next to Isak and placing his own drink up on the counter. 

There he was. Even in his own flesh, wearing the same blinding smile he had been met with through the fish tank on Friday night. Even wore a denim jacket over the top of a plain white t-shirt that hugged to his chest, and blue ripped jeans that complimented his long legs. Now that he was able to get a proper look at Even in broad daylight, he looked even more like the sun than that night. His hair added to his already tall structure, cheeks chiselled into his face and jaw so sharp that he felt like just touching it would cut his skin. Even sat down, his knee grazing Isak’s as he swivelled to face him, causing Isak’s cheeks to flush a pink tint. The energy that Even radiated was nothing like Isak had ever felt. Just being around him was enough to feel the air tighten around his throat.  

Isak self-consciously tugged at his sleeve to pull it over his soulmate mark.  

“Sorry, I didn’t see you.” Isak muttered with a distant smile.  

“I keep telling you that you’re half blind, you just never listen to me. Maybe you need to get your hearing checked too.” Even’s cheeky smile only grew, as he pulled the coffee to his lips to take a sip. 

“I was drunk that night, it was different!” Isak scoffed on his words. “The sun... just got in my eyes.” 

“Hmm..” Even turned his head, looking out of the window and then raising his hand to press the side of his hand to Isak’s forehead, using the rest of his hand to shade him from the sun. Even’s touch caused tingles to spread through him, his veins instantly lighting up like his whole body was set on fire.  _Why is he touching me?_  “How’s that?” 

“I don’t need a personal ‘sun protector’.” Isak chuckled, reaching with his own hand to push Even’s away, the same fire lighting inside Isak as their skin on skin contact doubled. “Plus, you’d have to hold your hand there for the entire time we’re sat here. It would start to ache.”  

Even’s eyebrows raised, his smile growing as usual. “Aw, are you worrying about me?”  

Isak’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, burying his head to the cup of his coffee to hide the fact that he  _was so fucking blushing_. “Shut up.” 

“It’d be worth it anyway.” Even leaned a little closer, until their shoulders grazed. “Anything to protect my sweet, little Juliet.”  

“ _Please_ don’t call me Juliet in public,  _jeez_.” Isak muttered, his mouth full of coffee.  

“ _Water boy._ ” 

“Oh my god, change the fucking subject.” 

“Alright,” Even spoke whilst laughing. Isak wanted to badly to just melt at the sound of his laugh. He wanted to record him laughing and listen to it on repeat to send him to sleep. He wanted to keep that laugh to himself, to be the only one that could hear it, the only one that could treasure how fucking beautiful this man is. “-how were your classes? You didn’t slack, I hope?”  

“Fine, and  _no_ , I didn’t slack. You were the one trying to distract me by sending me messages.” Isak copied Even’s eyebrow raise, his teeth showing as he couldn’t help but smile wider at the sight of Even’s amused face. “I had Biology first, English, Math, and double Norwegian.  _God,_ today dragged on. I feel like this coffee is very much needed.” Isak continued before taking an even bigger sip, trying to get the caffeine coursing in his veins. He wanted to be fully awake for this, to be able to take in everything about the man in front of him. The man that came straight from his dreams. 

“Mine dragged too. I had the presentation in the morning, and then a few lectures and I got given a new project.” Even spoke, tearing his eyes from Isak for the first time to watch out the window as people passed by, the sun lighting him up. Even’s skin bathed in the sun rays, and right then, he wanted to take a mental photo of Even so he could never forget how angelic he looked.  

“Uh,” Isak tried to snap back to reality, clearing his throat and initiating more conversation. “-How’d the presentation go?” 

“Average. None of the people in my group really did anything to contribute so they basically just leeched off the grade I got.” Even shrugged, stirring a spoon in his coffee therapeutically.  

“I’d say I really agree with you but I’m usually the leech in that situation. Sana would tell you.” 

“Sana  _does_ tell me.” Even’s eyebrow raised playfully.  

“Okay, I feel like a victim here.” 

“It’s not my fault that everyone wants to be my friend!”  

 _Friends. That’s what we are. Just friends. Friends meeting for a friendly coffee._  

“I’ll have to reevaluate my friend choice.” The word friends started to taste bitter on his tongue.  

“Aw... should I see myself to the door now?” 

“Please, that’d be a great help.”  

The two laughed together, lowering their heads in unison and Isak felt his heart swell so fucking big inside his chest.  _Get over yourself._  

“So, this new project,” Even began this time, clearing his throat before speaking with Isak keenly listening. “- I have a month to do it, which is really short notice, but It was pointless trying to get more time. I have to tell a story, and base it off of a film I have already seen, but shortened of course.” Even explained, leaning back in his chair and holding his coffee to his chest. Isak just stared, stared deep into those blue eyes. They held so many wonders, so many secrets, and Isak wanted to know everything. He wanted to know this man, he wanted to dive deep into those blue shades and just  _understand_ him. Understand everything he was, everything he wanted to be. Just as Isak began to tune out a little, he caught onto Even’s final words at the last second.  

“-and, I want you in it.” 

Isak almost full on choked on his drink.  

 _Huh?_  

“What?” 

“I want you in my project.” Even repeated, eyebrows risen to create slight crinkles in his forehead. “Just as, like a sort of model, I guess.”  

“Why me?” 

Even’s tongue traced the bottom of his lip, and Isak began to wonder if his tongue would just taste of coffee right then, or if he had other tastes, other  _Even_ tastes that he would only be able to try by kissing those full lips, tangling his tongue with his own.  

“I like your presence. I like your energy, and you look like you would suit the lens. You can say no, but that would  _kinda_ screw me over. None of my friends want to be involved because they’re ‘too cool’, and some of them are way too annoying to direct.”  Even seemed so casual, whilst Isak felt like his body was going to combust.  

 _Am I actually going to model in a project for Even Bech_ _N_ _æsheim_ _? The same Even that I feel like dying every time he looks my way?_  

 _There’s no way I'll survive. Say no. Just say no, and move on. Reject him. Say no, say-_  

“Okay.”  

 _I hate myself._  

“Really?” Even’s eyes lit up, and his smile stretched as far as physically possible across his face, the excitement in his voice reflecting in his body motions, as he started to jump a little in his seat and reach to take Isak’s hand in his own. Isak noticed how Even’s pupils dilated and the quiff of Even’s hair fell a litle due to how much he was shaking on his seat. “Thank you! Isak, you’re perfect!”  

“It’s fine, really. Chill.” Isak let out a shaken laugh, squeezing Even’s hand and letting go before he felt like he would explode from the skin on skin contact.  

“Sorry, I’m just so glad you want to.” Even replied, his smile never faltering.  _Shit._ “Okay, so I was thinking of ways to repay you for it.” Even began to explain, reaching into his pocket and glancing around a few times to the tables surrounding them before meeting Isak’s eyes and holding out a packet of something. “I dont have a lot of money, but i have some of this.” Isak glanced towards the packet, looking at it for a moment and realising that he was holding out a packet of weed.  _In public. Around groups of people. In fucking public._  

“Even, put that away!” Isak shooed Even’s hand away, snapping his head around to check if anyone had seen the obvious bag of weed that he was offering. “Why do you have that?” His voice was lowered to a whisper. 

“I was just offering it as thanks for agreeing to this. It’s your choice if you want to smoke it with me or with your friends.” Even tucked the weed back into his own pocket. “Since they have a huge  _jay_ obsession apparently.”  

“I guess you could put it like that.” Isak and the rest of the boys did get high often, but it was normal for their age. Most third years got high at parties, or at least smoked something of some sort. “But they have enough  _jay_ of their own. I think I might need to get high to even feel comfortable behind a camera anyway.”  

“Why would you be uncomfortable?” 

“I... don’t know. Just, a bit camera shy I guess.” Isak shrugged it off. He hated seeing, hearing, or having anything to do with himself on camera. Even pictures of himself, usually taken by Eskild, he would get embarrassed by.  

“You have no reason to be shy, you already look like a star.” Even grinned his way, almost blinding him again.  

“A movie star?” 

“I’m going to make you famous, Isak Valtersen!” Even announced proudly, with an over dramatic voice. Isak couldn’t help the smile that curled his lips, unable to respond to the amount of attention this boy was giving him. So, he just sipped on his coffee, letting the conversation die down until Even’s phone buzzed a few times, enough for him to check it. Isak watched as Even cursed under his breath and darted his eyes between his phone and him.  

“Shit, sorry. I have to meet some friends, I got carried away by the time.” Even quickly poured the rest of his coffee down his throat and got up from his seat, knees bashing lightly against Isak’s as he did, grabbing his coat and facing him. “Thank you, Isak, my movie star. I’ll see you later.” He commented, grinning pulling his coat over his shoulders as he prepared to leave. Just as he went towards the door, Isak called after him, waiting until Even met his gaze to speak.  

“I would’ve done it anyway.” Isak muttered, just loud enough for Even to hear from a few feet away. “Without the  _payment_ , I mean.”  

Even’s eyes lit up, and the smile on his face warmed Isak’s cold little heart.  

“I’ll text you later, Juliet.” 

And with a wink, he was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, please let me know your thoughts!!


	4. only worth living if someone is loving you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'only worth living if somebody is loving you'  
> video games - lana del rey
> 
> word count: 6,873

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is started out as the first half of a full chapter that would've been REALLY REALLY long but i wasn't sure how you all felt about long long chapters (like 15k words or more) so im uploading this first part before things start happening with even and isak in the next part, sorry for even LONGER of a stretch hahaha, please be patient though!
> 
> this chapter isn't my best, my writing has been so off lately and i've been struggling with my mental disorder so i hope this is good enough. the next part will be out in a few days or less!
> 
> i've also had plans about another story which would feature childhood!evak and 'hetero'!isak from even's perspective. It would be a very angsty story with a few chapters based on this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIhaxrWL1m4 , so let me know if anyone would read that?
> 
> ALSO i have a twitter now which I will post when i update the story so go follow if you like! my username is @21dani_

Isak treated the next few days as ‘wait around for Even to text him’ sort of days.  

That was what most of his days had become really, when he wasn’t focused on school or drowning his bloodstream with alcohol until he couldn’t remember who was hosting the party. Sober Isak hardly knew where he was most nights he was drunk, anyway. Jonas usually had the connections, and with a quick ‘Party friday?’ text sent in the group chat, they were already organizing a preparty and a hooking up plan. So when that exact message came through on his phone on a Wednesday evening, Isak was confused for two reasons; one, it was Magnus who had initiated the invitations to the party, and two, Isak didn’t get the same  _party_ feeling he usually did when the boys planned to get even drunker than the last time, and regret it the next morning.  

Isak's alcohol tolerance was starting to fail him, and he found himself getting wasted way before they left to attend the party. Sure, he felt good, but it wasn’t that appealing when he ended the night throwing up in a random bathroom sink and having his friends drag him out along the street struggling to keep him walking in a straight line.  

They usually complained most of the way until they reached the Kollektiv. Most of the walk consisted of ‘the blame game’, where Magnus tried to assess who he should blame for the reason he didn’t hook up with any of the girls that night. ‘It was your fault for being so fucking desperate’ he wants to say, but Isak couldn’t even take a step forward without the world spinning around him, let alone make actual words from a Dictionary escape his lips. So, when he tried to speak, only inhuman mumbles slipped through his lips, holding himself back from violently throwing up on any of his friends and going back to keeping his mouth shut, much to Jonas’ amusement. It was annoying that he couldn’t further in degrading his friends’ inability to find hook-ups, or even love, because it was a system that Isak had built up to delay himself in facing his own relationship ‘issues’. Humouring Magnus’ failures was a good enough of a defence strategy, as much as he felt bad for it, but there was no will in Isak to talk about love, relationships, all that mushy crap that Jonas had fed him when he was dating Eva.  

 _Love_. It was like a fantasy carved into the brains of every human that ever existed, and it was probably true that humans main concern in life was finding their soulmate to settle down with, to continue on the family name, and to try to be as happy as possible until the inevitability of death struck them down.  Isak  studied biology, or at least he tried to at given points in time when he had tests rolling in on the next few weeks, and he knew that love could be broken down in the terms of science as something completely human. The release of hormonal toxins, the names Isak always fucking forget, creates a substance that everyone has familiarized themselves with as _love_. He had studied the science of the mark that he now obtained on his eighteenth birthday, and how people were born essentially as halves, their personalities syncing with the person who was the owner of the same mark, somewhere in the world. It was normal, simple biology. 

If it was so normal, so  _human,_ why did it feel so foreign to him? Isak had never been in love, never in a romantic sense. He never experienced an act in which his body felt so completely attached to someone else’s that he felt like he would die,  _completely fucking drown_ , without them. Is that even what love was? Was love really determined by how much you are willing to give for another person? 

Isak had tried so hard, s _o damn hard_ , to distance himself from anything or any _one_ that felt dangerous to him. Dangerous in a way where he knew he would get hurt, where he knew that if he left his heart open up, let the walls surrounding his most fragile organ break, it would only end in heartbreak. It wasn’t just love he was subconsciously afraid of, it was trust, loyalty, honesty – many of the things that seemed to accompany love, anyway. Isak had put all of these things into his family, his father who would wake him up every morning and promise to take him across the world when he grew up, that they would be a family forever, the same father who vowed to stay by his mother, his soulmate, when times were rough, ‘in sickness and in health’. The same father that texts Isak every few days, offering to have dinner without the worry of Isak paying, sending him money for rent and asking Isak to come visit him sometime. But no.  

Terje didn’t take him around the world. He didn’t stay by his mother, him, his sister, and they were no longer a family. In his mother’s sickness, Terje left. When Isak cried at the gay bar that night, Terje wasn’t there, wasn’t holding him and telling him things would be alright. He was gone, ditching everything to find a new fucking family, someone who also wasn’t with their own soulmate, and the _audacity_ that he had to invite Isak to meet them made Isak’s heart burn, his throat would clench.  _“Are you fucking mad?”_  he would yell down the phone, hanging up, and crying into his pillow for most of the night until his body was dry.  

Isak hadn’t given up on love, or feeling anything at all really, he had just hidden that part of him deep, deep down.  

Isak’s brain ached. This was starting to feel like one of Sana’s intensive science lessons. It was the same ache that he felt on most Saturday mornings. 

He woke up most Saturdays with a killer headache, taking as many painkillers as physically possible that didn’t count as an overdose, and hugged his bed for most of the day. The hangovers were becoming unbearable. Sure, he liked sitting inside in his bed all day, and cramming in a few Narcos episodes. He liked the privacy – which he didn’t really get when he was living with Jonas, considering he stayed in the same room as him and his parents were very,  _very_ fucking nosy – but he also liked not feeling like the walls of his bedroom were closing in on him every few minutes.  

Isak would send multiple complaints into the group chat, flooding the boys’ notifications as punishment in some form for letting him get  _so fucking wasted._ It almost became a routine for  Isak  to beg the boys to make sure he didn’t do anything he regretted, but that was pretty much impossible when they were all as wasted as each other. Occasionally  Noora  would step in to look after him, though. Most of his drunken nights became a blur, every event sort of mushing together into one, but he was able to remember  Noora’s  face, her red lipstick and her thin, pale hands passing him a glass of water. In a way, he pitied  Noora . It was her conscious choice to not get drunk at parties, which he understood, but she was given the ‘ _make sure no-one gets drugged, raped or dies of alcohol poisoning’_ role that a lot of sober people ended up getting. That rule mainly applied for Eva when it came to Noora, though. 

Eva was a comically  _hard_ drunk, which Isak had learned from the multiple times she had attempted to kiss him after her break up with Jonas. He found it endearing when it came to Eva, and he probably would ( drunkily ) kiss her back if it weren’t for the overarching lack of attraction to girls that loomed over him. If any other girl tried to kiss him, he would usually find an excuse to run away - after enduring a few open-mouthed attempts at eating his face - before he convinced the guys to leave or at least to find a private place to smoke. But Isak would always check with Eva first, to make sure she was okay, and to mainly make sure that no-one was trying to take advantage of how drunk she was known to get. Eva was one of the few people Isak really,  _really_ cared about, and someone he felt like he could talk about anything to,  _with trust._  

During his sleepless nights, Isak contemplated the loneliness of the way he felt about putting his trust in people. How if he were to not let anyone look through him, he would probably die alone. And fuck, he thought about dying alone all the time. He thought about his mark, and how he was supposed to trust it to give him someone that would give him unconditional love, how he was supposed to find his ‘better half’ through some fucking piece of art on his skin. And how all of it seemed like a scam, that hopeless romantics like Isak fell for.  

The doubt settled in after that, crawled into his skin like a virus, infecting and tearing away his beliefs.  

 _Maybe soulmates don’t exist. Maybe everyone is always alone. Always fucking alone. Maybe in a parallel universe, you just fall in love. Maybe somewhere out there, you can decide what a soulmate is for yourself, instead of just trusting it to already be decided for you._  

Isak felt bitter to trusting most things. He trusted his dad when he said he would never leave. He put his faith into himself to be a better person for his mother. He trusted the universe, and he was let down every time. 

Somehow, meeting Even felt like things were starting to make sense. (Until he saw their different marks, that is. Now everything was so fucking confusing.) 

He had seen attractive guys before, had watched them from across the room at parties, acknowledging that they were far out of reach for him, and just letting them pass. He let them enter and leave his life like it was nothing. Like they were nothing.  

Even was different. Isak couldn’t let him leave his life without kissing those lips, running his fingers through his hair, calling out his name into white sheets. He had to have him.  _He had to._  

It was a weird newfound confidence that Isak had found in himself which he had no idea where it came from. Multiple times since meeting Even, he had doubted himself, doubted  _them,_ and replayed the same thousands of scenarios through his head like a fucking cinematic movie where things don’t work out, and  Isak  finds himself heartbroken, again, where he only had himself to blame for his own naivety. Many of those scenes included the fact that yes, they had different marks, and yes, that ultimately meant they weren’t meant to be. Other circumstances included stupid things, like Even and  Isak  hating each other from the get go, where  Isak  had harshly commented on the way Even was so  _out there_ , so fucking pretentious, and Even had criticised Isak  for being so close minded and stubborn – when really,  Isak  couldn’t even imagine hating Even, or having anything against him – but he marked it off as a possibility in some alternate universe buried  _deep, deep down._  

Isak had sat down varying nights whilst thinking of these possibilities, staring at his open conversation thread with Even, trying so fucking hard to find something he disliked about him. There had to be something,  _somewhere_ inside him that was turned off by something that the blue-eyed boy did. A pet peeve, like the way Noora chewed too loudly on her carrots in the kitchen, or how Jonas’ snoring was so loud that Isak’s ears would vibrate at night, where Isak would lay awake at 16 in his friend’s bed trying not to throw one of his two pillows at Jonas’ head to wake him.  

But everything was blank. Isak had nothing. Nothing to hate, nothing that annoyed him, no little pet peeves that Even triggered inside of Isak to repulse him in any way. He was perfect, perfect through every dimple and freckle, every curve and dent – and nothing pissed Isak off more. Isak thought of Even’s smile and his little eyebrow wiggles in response to their banter at the kaffe on Monday. Even’s laugh, and how Isak’s heart would swell at the sound, completely mesmerized by everything to do with him. He would think of Even until he got a shameful boner beneath his boxers, curse at every god that existed, before getting himself off, and replying to Even’s texts afterwards as casually as possible as if he didn’t just get off to the image of his sweaty, red face panting above him.  

 _God. Life is so unfair._  

After debating all the possible worst outcomes of getting underneath Even, Isak’s confidence burst. Maybe it was his teenage hormones after his many Even-fueled orgasms, or maybe it was just his overwhelming attraction to the blonde boy, but he had concluded to give it a shot. If the chance arose, Isak would touch Even’s arm softly, to run his fingertips along the smooth skin as he did on his birthday. And, god forbid, if Even flirted with him, Isak might flirt back.  

It was Wednesday now, two days after seeing Even and agreeing to participate in a media project of his alongside his already tight schedule with school. Luckily, this was the last week of school before the summer holidays, and Isak’s last few days of being a second year. He felt quite lucky to have his birthday so near the holidays, his celebrations usually taking place during the holidays, but Isak couldn’t wait to throw his eighteenth, so he did it on the day anyway.  

School had dragged, considering Isak had to hand in two papers, one for Biology and another for Norwegian, which he had stayed up until 2am to write, and spent the next 2 hours staring at the ceiling contemplating his entire fucking existence.  

Through the hour of 2am to 3am, Isak had considered writing Even a message, sending him a stupid meme like Even had been doing to him, but he didn’t. He didn’t know how long he had been staring at the screen, trying to wish on some kind of god that the typing bubble would appear to indicate that Even was a step ahead of him, was also awake at ridiculous hours, and was thinking of him too.  

But no bubble arose, and Isak stared blankly until he gave up, putting his phone down and spending the hour between 3am to 4am rereading his papers over and over until the words no longer made sense, and he all but passed out with the papers scattered over his front.  

Running on 3 hours of sleep was normal for Isak, so he wasn’t exactly annoyed when he awoke to his ringing alarm and forced up from the comfort of his unwashed bed sheets, but he would’ve much rathered to stay inside the little igloo he had made for himself on his mattress. 

Now, though, he was cushioned up in the same spot after coming home from school, the Kollektiv empty apart from himself being there. Linn was actually out meeting with her family apparently, and Eskild... was being Eskild. It wouldn’t surprise Isak if he came home with another member to take part in his sex shenanigans, which he would have to endure for the rest of the night. It was especially great when Isak had no-one himself, and hadn’t had sex in so fucking long, the closest he had gotten was his own hand imagining that it was Even’s hand instead.  

 _Creep. You’re such a creep._  

His phone buzzed as he hung his head in shame from even thinking back to those lonely nights where he had the blessing to see Even’s angelic, perfect face two times, and Isak reached to grab his phone from being buried under his mountain of sheets. Even’s name lit up in the notification, and Isak’s heart jumped. 

 **Even** **Bech** **N** **æsheim**  

 **(16:45)** : [[image attachment] ](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/2b/c0/fb/2bc0fbddd23910890df7de61ed14bc9a--mr-brightside-kiss-meme.jpg) 

Isak stared at the stupid meme that had been delivered from Even, hating how it actually managed to make him smile, not even wanting to think about how dorky he would look staring at his phone whilst smiling, but luckily, he was alone, so he didn’t care to act like he didn’t feel these  _weird_ things when texting Even. 

 **(16:45)** : the killers huh? At least you have good music taste 

 **(16:45)** : yes! You understood my meme!!! 

 **(16:45)** : you have some culture! 

 **(16:45)** : I mean, the meme is stupid. The song is good tho 

 **(16:45)** : cmon don’t act like that didn’t make you smile 

 **(16:45)** : pfffft 

 **(16:45)** : text me when you have good memes 

 **(16:45)** : 🙁 

 **(16:45)** : ok I smiled a little 

 **(16:46)** : good because I saw it and instantly thought of you 

 **(16:46)** : I know how much you loooove fish 

 **(16:47)** : fish boy 

Isak’s found it hard to get that damn smile off of his lips, which was mainly Even’s fault, but eventually he managed as he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Wasn’t the flat empty? Maybe someone had come home without Isak realising. 

 Hooking one of his fingers around his earphone wire, he tugged on it until one of his earphones popped out of his ear. “Ja?” He replied to the muffled knock that he was certain he had heard through the hip hop tunes he had playing from Spotify from his phone, waiting a few beats before getting a reply from the other side of the door.  

“Are you in an appropriate state for me to come in?” Eskild’s voice. Isak stifled a sigh, letting his earphone fall to his chest and unlocking his phone to pause his music.  

“I thought you were out?” he responded back, sitting up against the wall behind him, head grazing one of the many small posters he had taped up.  

“I only went to the store. Can I come in?” 

“...Sure.” 

The door opened rather slowly, Eskild’s head peeking around the side with a mischievous grin on his face, the one look that he had linked to Eskild wanting a favour from him, and those favours weren’t usually how Isak wanted to spend his evenings. Frowning in response, eyebrows raising with confusion plastered over his face, Isak awaited to be hit with another one of those favours. “What is it?” 

“It stinks in here.” Eskild spoke, sniffling his nose and waving his hand in front of his face as he took a few more steps inside. “Are you not going to use those lovely scented candles I got you for your bir-” 

“If you’ve come in here just to complain, I really don’t wanna hear it, Eskild.” Isak muttered as his phone vibrated, lifting it from his chest to check who it was. 

 **Even** **Bech** **N** **æsheim**  

 **(16:50)** : isak? 

 **(16:50)** : did my fish jokes upset you? 

 **(16:50)** : no 

 **(16:50)** : sorry, eskild is in my room 

 **(16:50)** : your roommate? 

 **(16:50)** : jajaja 

 **(16:50)** : tell him hi from me! 

 **(16:51)** : I need to go in a sec anyway 

 **(16:51)** : but I wanted to ask u about meeting up to film this weekend 

“-so really I’m not trying to be a pain, Isak, but you have to understand where I’m coming from.” Eskild had been ranting on in the background of Isak’s commitment to texting the blonde he was trying to get to know,  _and that was all_ , but most of his words had gone into one ear and flew right out of the other. Giving Eskild a blank glance, he didn’t have to say anything for Eskild to know he hadn’t been paying attention. “You kids and your phones.”  

Isak had seen Even’s message, feeling a flooding relief rush through him as Even hadn’t forgotten their deal, and hadn’t just been playing with him, but he was also nervous as shit to actually film with him. He had said yes, not really thinking right because well, Even was  _right there_ , looking as handsome as fucking ever, and he just wanted to see him more. God knows when Isak would’ve been able to be blessed by his company again, considering he was a uni student. 

He wanted to reply right away, but Eskild’s voice dragged him from the world inside his phone, and Isak was the fucking worst at multitasking. “I actually came in here to talk to you, Isak.” 

“About what?” He let out a deepened sigh, letting his eyes lazily roll to the back of his head.  

“At least _pretend_  you want to talk to me, baby boy. You’re kinda hurting my feelings right now.” Eskild fake pouted in his direction, which Isak felt his blood boil in return. But he knew if he just complained more, Eskild would find more reasons to whine, resulting in him wasting more time in his room while Isak had Even awaiting his reply.  

So, taking a deep breath, he offered the fakest smile he thinks he had ever managed to pull, and sat up more against the wall.  

“Sorry, I’m listening.”  

“Good!” Eskild’s pout disappeared instantly. “So, Noora told me that she has a few things she’s getting rid of after moving in with  _you-know-who,_ and she’s bringing a few boxes full of things round on Friday afternoon after school for us to look at.” Eskild explained, motioning with his hands as he talked, to which Isak just let his bottom jaw hang for a moment. After a long silence, Eskild’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?” 

“Do you seriously think I’ll want any of her stuff?” Isak didn't know what she was going to be giving away, as he never really saw her room much until it was consumed by boxes when she moved out with William, but he knew that if he was going to take ownership of anyone’s former belongings, the last person he would go to was Noora. He was pretty sure they were polar opposites. “I mean- if it’s like old lipstick or... teddy bears or something, I don’t want it.” 

“Aw, Isak, but you’d look so pretty wearing lipstick!” Eskild cooed, reaching to pinch at Isak’s cheek, to which he instinctively flinched and pushed at Eskild’s grabby hand. 

“Get off!” 

“Relax!” 

Isak didn’t realise he was pouting until Eskild began to snicker at him, to which he let out a groan of frustration, pulling his phone from his chest with intentions to reply to Even before speaking again. “I don’t want any of her girly things.”  

“How do you manage to put a gender on objects, Isak, you don’t even-” 

Isak began to tune out, reading Even’s newer messages. 

 **Even** **Bech** **N** **æsheim**  

 **(16:52)** : if you’re still up for it of course 

 **(16:55)** : the weed awaits you 

 **(16:55)** : yeah im still up for it 

 **(16:55)** : just a bit nervous about being in front of a camera 

 **(16:55)** : you’ll rock it, you little movie star! 

 **(16:55)** : are you free friday after school? 

 **(16:55)** : uhhh yeah should be 

 **(16:55)** : just got to do a thing with my roommates but won’t take long 

 **(16:55)** : great! 

 **(16:56)** : what time do you finish? 

 **(16:56)** : 14h 

 **(16:56)** : ok ill let you know a time on the day 

 **(16:56)** : thank you again for agreeing to this <3 

 **(16:56)** : no problem dude 

 **(16:57)** : jeez 

 **(16:57)** : ? 

 **(16:57)** : nothing, just 

 **(16:57)** : you called me dude 

 **(16:57)** : I call all my friends dude 

 **(16:57)** : what a stab in the heart 

 **(16:57)** : keep this professional isak, I'm your movie boss now 

 **(16:58)** : oh yeah? 

 **(16:58)** : ok mr bech næsheim 

 **(16:58)** : better 😉 

 **(16:58)** : gotta go now, see you friday? 

 **(16:58)** : see you friday 

 **(16:58)** : [[image attachment] ](https://i.imgflip.com/12jt7u.jpg) 

 **(16:58)** : hahaha you’re impossible 

 **(16:58)** : <3 

It was stupid how little it took for Isak’s teenage-girl-like grin to reappear on his face after receiving another meme from Even, and seeing the little heart pop up on the screen. Whenever the typing bubble appeared, Isak’s heart would pump aggressively hard against his chest until he felt like he would die, waiting for what he was going to say next.  

And when Isak’s eyes returned to Eskild’s, he could tell that Eskild knew what was up immediately.  

“Uh...” Isak began, locking his phone and placing it facing down on his mattress. “-Even says hi.” 

Eskild’s mouth widened to twice it’s usual size, which Isak had only been familiar with when he walked in on him engaging in more of his sex shenanigans. “You’re texting with Even? The Even from UiO?” Isak just nodded simply, not really thinking that much of it. He had to admit it was weird though, talking about Even to someone else apart from having the fantasies locked away in his head that only he had access to. Even mentioning his name felt like he was unlocking those fantasies, and they were clear to see from the naked eye, when in reality he was  _just a guy_ to everyone else. Just some guy he had met at his birthday party, just some guy that Isak had started texting.  

A lot of the times, he worried that people would see through him, and somehow see how Isak’s thoughts lingered on Even for longer than they should, how Isak would subconsciously open his and Even’s Facebook chats whilst waiting for a reply, would scroll a bit longer across his camera roll and see the saved pictures he had of the ocean eyed boy. Of course, only he knew the ways he would mentally chase after Even, but the fear was always there in the back of his mind. The fear of being outed. He had manged thus far, having girlfriends, hooking up with girls on the weekend, not commenting on the appearance of guys or answering Eskild’s questions regarding other guys.  

But if anyone were to unintentionally push Isak into getting outed, it would be Even. 

“You’re... friends?” Eskild asked, raising a brow of curiosity.  

“I guess.” Isak brushed it off, unable to meet Eskild’s eyes again, keeping them attached to the mattress that he realised had gotten messier ever since Eskild had sat down and shuffled around. Not like it was usually a mess anyway, but he started to see how he was  _kinda_ _,maybe_ a bit messy. “It’s not really texting, though... it’s just Facebook messenger.”  

“Oh,” Eskild hesitated a little, tilting his head to the side and pausing.  _Oh god. Please don’t ask questions. Please._ “That’s nice, Isak. Glad you’re making hot friends.”  

“Is he hot?”  _Yes. Yes he fucking is._  

“Oh come on Isak, even a straight guy like you can admit that Even is a very attractive guy.” Isak felt his cheeks heat up a little. If only Eskild knew the amount of times Isak had imagined Even doing inappropriate things to him, oh if only. Isak tucked those thoughts to the back of his head when he replied, shrugging his shoulders and acting nonchalant about the whole debate they seemed to get into.  

“Okay... I don’t see how this has anything to do with what I said though.” Isak muttered a little defensively, clearing the back of his throat.  

“You can say if a guy is attractive, Isak... it doesn’t make you gay.” There was a slight undertone of annoyance, and Isak felt a little bad.  

“Can we drop this?”  

“Alright...” Eskild repositioned, standing up. “That’s all I came to say anyway.” 

“You just came in here to say that Even is hot?” 

“No, silly. About Noora selling her things.” 

Isak flushed.  

“Remember, she’s coming over Friday afternoon, it won’t take long, so you can return to your smelly  _devils pit_  in no time.” 

“My room isn’t that bad!” 

“Please, baby. It’s like you’ve had a tantrum and thrown all your clothes around angrily, which I would’ve expected from you anyway.” 

“Ugh...” 

Eskild let out a small chuckle, reaching to ruffle Isak’s blonde curls before taking a few steps to the door. “Oh, and the rent is due tomorrow. Are you able to pay?” Isak cleared his throat once more, forgetting that he hadn’t replied to Eskild’s texts. 

“Yeah, should be fine. My dad sent me some money, so...” Isak trailed off, but showed no indication of continuing the conversation from there, so Eskild got the message, nodding and grabbing the door.  

“Cool. See you later, then.” Eskild blew Isak a kiss before leaving through the door, shutting it behind him as Isak had complained to him to do countless times, glad that he was finally remembering to do so, before pulling up his phone again. His eyes darted back to the last message from Even, the heart emoji, feeling his lips threatening to curl into a smile, but he didn’t.  

Instead, he clicked on Even’s nametag at the top of the app, opening up Even’s Facebook profile.  

As he scrolled down, he noticed a new link that was put into his bio, underneath the quote ‘Sleep is the cousin of death’. The link was to a website called ‘uio.no/even-bech-næsheim’, and Isak guessed it was Even’s student profile on the site. So, curiously of course, he clicked the link and watched as his Google Chrome opened up the link, bringing him to the page of Even, showcasing his email, age and what he studied.  

Isak always managed to find stalk worthy material, and he didn’t know how, but it was like the universe was just pulling him in even more, pulling Isak towards the most beautiful man he had ever seen, but cutting him off from ever being his soulmate. It was the sort of teasing that Isak expected, that only the universe would do to him, because he was the unluckiest guy in all of Norway.  

On the same page was a link to another website named ‘www.artvandeley.com’, which Isak hesitated to click, but nothing would stop his overwhelming need to get to know everything about Even at every given opportunity, so he clicked. The page loaded instantly, bringing up a simple website with a yellow header, the same name ‘Art Vandeley’ inside the header, and there was another picture of Even as he scrolled, one that he hadn’t seen before. He took a small moment to stare, as if he was seeing Even for the first time again, before continuing down to see from writing.  

‘UiO Film Student, aspiring director.’ 

Isak’s heart swelled, and he didn’t know why. He didn’t know if it was the way he imagined Even pursing a directing career and thinking of how passionate he would be in all of his films, or if it was that Even was trusting Isak to be good enough to film to pursue his dream, and that Isak was going to be a part of his story. The story of how he found his love for filming, his love for becoming a director and exploring all types of film. Then again, he didn’t think he would be good enough to become a part of Even’s story. Maybe he would be the mistake, the one kid he regretted trying to film, the ‘mess up’ no famous people talk about from their past life.  _God._  

Trying to divert his mind from those destructive thoughts, Isak continued to scroll. Two videos popped up on the website, one a thumbnail of a guy that he remembered seeing at his birthday party, with brown hair that fell to just above his neck, rather bushy eyebrows, but slightly less than Jonas’, and brown eyes with the hint of a moustache growing across his upper lip. The area around him was blurry, and Isak wasn’t able to tell where he was, but it seemed to resemble a classroom, quite larger to the ones that were at Nissan.  _Was that Bakka?_ Even had stated that he went to Elvebakken before going to University, so it made sense, but Even was nowhere to be seen on the thumbnail of the video. Isak scrolled a little further to see a title underneath the video,  

‘Intervju med: Even Bech Næsheim’ 

It was his name, his full name, so he had to be in the video. Isak scrambled for his earphones that he had dropped when Eskild had started to talk to him, plugging them back into his ears and pressing on the video, watching as it opened to a full screen across his phone. Turning his phone to the side, he heard some sort of music playing in the background, and the screen went black to show the same title of the video in a different font, block letters plastered across the screen. The screen cut straight back to a video that was seeming to be vlogged from a phone, showing the same guy walking through a hallway and introducing Even, calling him by the alias ‘best buddy’. The screen cut again to a still shot of Even, an arrow pointing to his face. Isak’s stomach flipped, and his finger slid to the screen to pause the video, hearing the music stop in his earphones.  

In that moment, he just stared. He watched how the screen reflected the ray of light that shone in through the curtains on Isak’s window, and began trying to see every pixel that made up the image of Even’s face on his phone. Every small pixel had a different shade that he just wanted to memorize and save in his brain. But somehow, the pixels weren’t enough. He knew how it felt to be a ‘fangirl’ now, those types of fangirls that Isak had seen on Twitter or Tumblr that obsess over a person, real or fake, and are only able to view them through a screen made up of colours. Seeing Even in real life was different. Isak was able to see the small dimples in his skin that the photographs didn’t pick up on, and the changing shades of blue in his eyes, to feel them boil into his own green ones.  

Before he began to spiral down into the pit of his overwhelming admiration for Even, he began to play the video again. It picked up again showing a cardboard cut-out box, decorated like a living room with flowers painted over the sides, a small coffee table inhabiting the space in the center of the box and a couple of chairs placed seemingly at random too. Three figures were placed around the box, one of Captain America, another of Vladimir Putin and a barbie doll seated at the far left back side. Isak’s right eyebrow raised up, a little confused at the setting, but he rolled with it. Hearing Even begin to speak was what intrigued him much more. 

Throughout the video, there were small pans down to Even’s body when the camera readjusted, and Isak could see that his sleeves were pulled up past where Even’s mark was on the upper part of his wrist bigger than most. It was very blurry, and he couldn’t make out the mark that he had seen on the night of his birthday party. The pixels were probably mixed together. If anything, Isak was glad. He didn’t want to be reminded of the dreaded truth of their fates. 

Even’s voice was so soft, and it was like Isak’s heart had remembered the exact sound and kept it in a safe, locked away place, as whenever Isak heard him speak, his heart jumped and he was reminded how little it took for Even to make him feel things. Stupid, pointless things that he couldn’t pursue.  

 _He’s not yours. The universe has someone else for him, someone better._  

Isak went back to the main page after he finished watching the video a few more times than once, shamefully missing Even’s voice whenever the video ended. Scrolling past the video, he noticed another video titled ‘R + J Animasjon’ which was only 30 seconds long compared to the other video which was a whole minute longer.  

The thumbnail was only a title, a sort of majestic, artistic font that could’ve been mistaken as handwriting. Even’s handwriting probably resembled something just as beautiful. Without much hesitation, Isak clicked on the video and watched as his phone pulled the video up across his screen, playing after a short pause.  

The video started, a soft piano playing in the background as the title was shown in black and white, a slight blue tint highlighting the surrounding area of the text. Soon enough, the title faded out and it showed two drawings that seemed to move, forming two bodies intimately holding one another, their waists cut off by water that seemed to splash every time that the figures moved. The animation was slow, but eventually two arms belonging to either one of the figures were pulled from the water, and their palms seemed to press together, fingertips grazing with one another.  

This lasted a few frames, as the piano tone dropped and a soft singing voice melodied in, which was accompanied by one of the figures moving their palms and pressing their soulmate marks together, moving them in unison so that they were the perfect fit.  

Isak’s jaw had dropped without realising it, feeling his heart start to tug downwards, and his eyes took in the way that Even had sculpted these figures to perfectly fit together, as they pulled each other into a kiss as they started to fade away, alongside the music. It felt like time had stopped, or that it was going way too slowly, like the type of feeling Isak only felt when he was really high. But he was sober, way too sober, and felt tears threaten to prick at his eyes. He had no idea way, no sort of attachment to the animation or personal experience with it, but it was going to make him  _fucking cry._  

With a quick brush over his eyes, Isak wiped away the fraction of the tears that had begun to escape his eyes, exiting out of the video with a fumble of his phone.  

Isak scrolled once more on the website as he started to get to the end of the page, seeing a block of text that was in the usual Times New Roman font with questions listed relating to the animation that Even seemed to have made for one of his projects. There were only three questions, two of them asking about what the animation was about and how Even thought about coming up with this style which Isak glossed over, but the question ‘How does the music of this scene portray emotion and how is this done in film?’ caught Isak’s attention. 

 **_How does the music of this scene portray emotion and how is this done in film?_ ** 

 _Music is a form of art in its own, and all the genres are set to base upon a specific emotion, like how sad people tend to listen to gloomier, slower songs so that the world seems to feel their emotions alongside them to shade over the fact that they are alone, that all humans feel things alone. So, in film, music is done to do just this, accompany the audience in their emotions that they were going through alongside the characters in the story, sometimes even enhancing them._  

 _Love would not be as powerful as it is in the movies without music, and I wanted to showcase this in my animation by playing a very powerful song by_ _Des’ree_ _as played in Romeo + Juliet also, highlighting the one moment in these characters lives as they only have each other, as they share one emotion together, as if they are merging together to become one so they do not have to be alone anymore._  

 _My main goal in this project was to enhance views on soulmate love stories that have been portrayed and shunned in the media with conflicting views and beliefs. Our universe revolves around love, and finding the one. I wanted to show my views on soulmates that the universe creates us as, and my belief that soulmates are real, our marks are real, and that without them, there would be a drastic change in society that we should avoid._  

 _I know myself that I only want to follow by the rules of the universe, to direct my life around it and to be with no-one other than the person who shares a mark with mine. We have been built this way, built by a world that belongs to two._  

 _‘T_ _hey say that the world was built for two.' – Video Games by Lana Del Rey_  

Isak couldn’t breathe.

He read over the last part of the writing over and over again. ' _to be with no-one other than the person who shares a mark with mine'_. Isak's fingers subconsciously moved to his own mark, grazing the skin and darting his eyes to look at it. He thought of Even's mark, Even's mark that shared nothing in common with Isak's. 

_He doesn't want me._

With a looming sense of sorrow, he put his phone down and hugged his pillow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think <3


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